Her Emerald Eyes
by sophiesayshi
Summary: 100 moments of pure Lily and James for the 100 drabbles, 50 days challenge. Rated T to be safe. Prompts etc. listed inside.
1. Prompts

_**Her Emerald Eyes**_

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling does.

This is for the **100 Drabbles, 50 Days Challenge**.

**Prompts: _(Although not necessarily in this order)_**

1. Love

2. Anger

3. Broken

4. Lust

5. Block

6. Broomstick

7. Muggle

8. Snake

9. Flower

10. Fight

11. Make-up

12. Dress up

13. Marco Polo

14. Simon Says

15. Baby

16. Owl

17. Marriage

18. Car

19. Bathroom

20. Computer

21. Fanfiction

22. Red

23. Book

24. Food

25. Candles

26. Tongue

27. Play

28. Bike

29. New

30. Old

31. Ninja

32. Star

33. Ball

34. Vampire

35. Werewolf

36. Princess

37. Beach

38. Summer

39. Winter

40. Fall

41. Spring

42. Rain

43. Birthday

44. Change

45. I pod

46. J-Pop

47. Chocolate

48. Sugar

49. Movies

50. Attention

51. Sunshine

52. Cat

53. Butterfly

54. Dream

55. Quidditch

56. Tears

57. Lonely

58. Run Away

59. Magic

60. Paint

61. Bite

62. Phone

63. Towel

64. Secret Lover

65. Time of your life

66. Addicted

67. Beautiful

68. Bubbly

69. Denying

70. Everywhere

71. Fearless

72. Girlfriend

73. Haunted

74. Ignorance

75. Dance

76. Just

77. Kidnap

78. Lean

79. Mercy

80. Never

81. Outside

82. Picture

83. Room

84. Saturday

85. Changing Room

86. Tonight

87. Umbrella

88. Valentine

89. Heavy

90. Halloween

91. Christmas

92. Watching

93. Kiss

94. Strong

95. Trick

96. Liar

97. Smack

98. Bath

99. Smile

100. Over reacting


	2. Red

**Red**

The boy – the one with dark, untidy hair and hazel eyes, the one who had tried to trip Severus up on the train – grinned as Lily stepped into the common room, the last of the first years. The rest of them were now sitting themselves down awkwardly in the Gryffindor Common Room, having been led here by their prefect, Graham Reed. The older Gryffindors were chuckling with friends, some heading upstairs and a few lingering behind, in front of the flickering fire.

Lily recognised the other one from the compartment – something Black, she vaguely recalled – perched on the arm of a sofa, which was a deep red. She wondered briefly if Severus was now sitting on an identical sofa, of a green hue. The colour of Slytherin. She had expected to be sorted into the same house as him, _wanted _to, even. He was her only friend at Hogwarts. But she was a Gryffindor, apparently of a similar personality as the two boys that had called Severus _Snivellus. _Had the Sorting Hat made a mistake? She, Lily Evans, would never be so – so –

"You are now all in Gryffindor, I'm pleased to say," began Reed loudly. "Drew Heading, the other Gryffindor prefect, isn't here at present, since she has been involved in an accident and will spend a week or two in St. Mungo's. And so _I've _been asked by Professor McGonagall – that's our head of house, see – to, well, _introduce _you to one another. She doesn't want you all to get off on the wrong foot, or something along those lines."

It was too late for that, thought Lily darkly.

"So, er, why don't _you _start?" Reed had gestured to a small boy with watery eyes and mousey brown hair. The boy glanced up, looking thoroughly terrified.

"M-me?" he stammered.

"C'mon," laughed the boy from earlier, the one with glasses. "Don't be a wimp."

Irritation bubbled up inside her, and Lily felt herself standing up, glaring at him.

"Why don't _you _go, then?" she demanded. "Or are you going to be horrible to someone else now?"

"You're that… Evans girl, aren't you?" he said with a grin. "The one from that train, with Snivelly."

"Don't call him that," she retaliated sharply. "He's my friend."

"He's in Slytherin," he retorted, as if that were some sort of explanation.

"He's my _friend!"_

"We're in Gryffindor, he's in Slytherin. Red and green, red and green, _red and–"_

"SHUT IT!" bellowed Reed. "Right. Just… introduce yourselves. Be civil, but keep it short and simple."

"Well, I'm James Potter," said the boy, looking directly at Lily. "I love Quidditch, and can't wait to start properly learning. I'm really glad to have been sorted into Gryffindor, like my dad. And… I have a wicked sense of humour."

"That was great," said Reed, who was beginning to sound somewhat bored by this. "Next, _you."_

"Er… Oh, I'm Remus Lupin," said a quiet-looking boy with one or two scars streaked across his face. "I'm quite pleased to be in Gryffindor too, but apart from that, there's not really much to say." He glanced up, almost apologetically, at Reed.

The Black boy was next.

"Sirius Black. I'll bet anyone in here a Galleon my mum'll disown me, since my whole family were Slytherins, and I've gone and broken the tradition. Though I never really liked Slytherins anyway, least of all my family members." A grin broke across his face. "Reckon Gryffindor's a lot better."

Four others spoke about themselves, an Alice Longbottom, a Penelope Lewis, a Marlene McKinnon and a Peter Pettigrew. Finally, Reed turned to Lily.

"I'm Lily," she began, resuming her glaring at the two boys she hated most. "Lily Evans. I'm Muggle-born, and didn't know I was a witch until I was told by my best friend, Severus. He's in Slytherin and he's really nice, so–"

"Going to declare your love for him now?" teased James Potter.

She ignored him. "–I wanted to be in Slytherin too, but I'm sure Gryffindor will be alright."

"Alright?" echoed Sirius Black. "It's the best house there is! Well, so I've heard."

"Not from your parents, I'll bet," laughed James.

"I know a lot about Slytherin, and it's _really _not nice," said Sirius. "My family are awful. They're classic Slytherins. Pure-bloods and all that."

"If the Hat had put me in Slytherin, I'd leave," said James. "I'd rather go to a… a _Muggle _school than be in Slytherin."

"My mum would probably send me a cake," said Sirius, "with 'Well Done, Sirius!' or something equally awful written on it. She was never too sure about me, thought I was too nice for her liking, probably. Wanted me to be a bit meaner, a bit more of the Slytherin type, I think."

"She would send you a _cake?" _chuckled James.

"Now she'll probably just send a Howler," mused Sirius.

Lily squeezed her eyes shut and tried to picture Slytherin, the house which bore so much prejudice from the Gryffindors surrounding her. _Two _of the Gryffindors, she quickly corrected. That James Potter and Sirius Black.

A hazy image swirled into focus, a figment of her imagination, yet one which she yearned to be real. There, she sat laughing with people, Severus on her right, and nothing, not even the most infinitesimal thing, glittered crimson in the lights. Every square inch of her Slytherin was emerald.

Lily opened her eyes.

A common room of red stretched out before her. She felt a flicker of irritation with the colour, brought on, most definitely, by that insolent James Potter.


	3. Broomstick

**Broomstick**

It had been two weeks since they had started at Hogwarts, and Lily, having bumped into Severus leaving the Great Hall after breakfast, reminded him brightly that today would be the day of their first flying lesson.

"Quidditch?" moaned Severus. "Oh, I forgot. It's first thing, isn't it?"

"Apparently it's quite fun," said Lily. "I'm just going back to Gryffindor to fetch my broomstick. I know we said we'd go together, but why don't I just meet you there?"

Severus nodded, slightly grudgingly. "Fine. I'll see you there."

Lily hurried off, following other Gryffindors who all seemed to be heading in a similar direction, not remembering exactly where Gryffindor _was_.

She had been fiercely determined to hate the game that James Potter loved, but after several people had described it to her, she had found her obstinacy waning; it really _did _sound like a great game and one that she would, no doubt, find herself enjoying.

"A game on broomsticks," she recalled someone saying. "It's very, very fast and sometimes quite dangerous. There's one ball, called the Quaffle, which the three Chasers have to throw into one of three hoops, their goals, protected by the other team's Keeper. The two Beaters have bats, and hit Bludgers at the other team. Then there's the Seeker, who has to try and catch the Golden Snitch…"

Lily smiled as the Fat Lady – her name, _Fat Lady, _made her smile broaden further – came into view.

"Peppercorn," said one of the fourth-years, whom she had been following.

The painting swung open. Lily sprinted to her dormitory, trying to avoid being late for her first ever flying lesson at Hogwarts. She hurriedly picked up her broomstick, a Cleansweep Five, and rushed to the Quidditch Pitch outside.

As Lily joined the group of excited first years, she knew that she was the last of them, and it was moments later that a woman with short, spiky hair that was evidently in the process of turning silver and hawk-like, yellow eyes strode up to them.

"My name is Madam Hooch, and I'm here to teach you Quidditch," she announced. "The only way to do that is to get you on your brooms. So stand by them and say 'up'!"

Severus hurried over to Lily, clutching his broom so tightly that his knuckles protruded from his pale skin. Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw James and Sirius laughing together, having managed successfully to catch their broomsticks in their hands.

Severus, following her gaze, said bitterly, "'Course they get it right the first time."

"I'm sure you'll be good at it too, Sev," she assured him. "Come on. Let's give it a go. Up!" Her broomstick twitched feebly on the ground. _"Up!" _It flew suddenly upwards and her fingers instinctively enclosed around it. She smiled. She had managed to do it.

Severus, however, was failing miserably. His broomstick had not given a single sign of recognition of his commands, and stayed motionless on the ground. By now, most of the other students had finished. After a minute or so, it was just Severus who remained unsuccessful.

"Hey, it's Snivellus!" said a familiar, taunting voice loudly.

"Mr. Potter," said Madam Hooch sharply.

"Well, that's his name isn't it?" said James. "_Isn't _it?"

The act of ignorance was simply that – an act. James Potter did not want a teacher to tell him off, to lose the valuable house points that they had been lectured about, and so he pretended to have made a mistake.

"It's _Severus," _said Lily coldly.

"Severus, then," said James, grinning at her.

That grin, the grin he always wore, frustrated her beyond belief. He was so casually indifferent, _blasé _was a word her mother had once used to describe someone like James.

"Here," she snapped, feeling bad-tempered because of the arrival of James Potter. She handed her broomstick to little Peter Pettigrew and stepped forwards, next to Severus' broomstick, her hand moving over it. "I'll help you, Sev. All you do is say 'up'! Really mean it, Sev. You can do it! Look, _up!_"

She caught his broomstick, which had launched itself upwards, in her hand. But when she smiled helpfully at Severus, she saw that he was blinking back tears of humiliation. He turned his face quickly away from hers.

"I don't need your help," he muttered. "I'm _fine_, Lily. It's just – just a stupid old broomstick."

He backed away, grabbing his broom from her, and as Lily turned to stare after him, her gaze locked with James Potter's laughing, gleaming hazel eyes.


	4. Watching

**Watching**

_**Fifth year**_

She was beautiful.

James Potter had known that from the very moment he had set eyes on her. At eleven years old, four years ago, searching for a compartment to sit in, he had been struck by Lily Evans' long, dark hair that curled beneath her shoulders, and those eyes, those bewitching eyes, which had been sparkling with tears. She had been crying about 'Tuney' at the time; he now knew that she had been talking about her sister, Petunia, a Muggle.

They all knew he liked her. Sirius, Peter and Remus, that was. So did the entire school, most probably. He wondered if she knew. But even if she did know, he knew she would not act on it. She despised him. He had made a stupid mistake, bullying Snape. _Bullying? _He could not bear to think of himself as a bully, but that was what Lily called him, amongst so many other things. _Unnecessary… horrible… arrogant… _Those were three more. But it was his – he winced – _bullying _Snape that had made her hate him, _really _hate him. He wanted to stop, so she would like him. Of Snape, he did not care too much, but Lily made him yearn to be different.

So why was it so hard to stop?

Why was it so hard to bring himself to back down, apologize to Snape and befriend Lily Evans, the girl of his dreams?

True, the befriending he had attempted countless times, but every time she had coldly rejected him. To the other Marauders, she was perfectly civil – less so to Sirius, and more so to Remus, who was, of the four of them, considered the kindest and the most intelligent. Although, he thought, it was definitely his kindness that she valued, more than his intelligence. Remus had always been reluctant towards their treatment of Snape, and Lily must have sensed this in him. If only she could see the kindness in _him, _in–

"MR. POTTER!"

James sprung to attention, tearing his gaze away from the back of Lily's head. He grinned at the woman rapping his desk.

"So sorry, Professor," he said. "I didn't quite catch that."

"Perhaps listening might help, especially as your O.W.L. examinations are looming ever closer," suggested Professor McGonagall. "Now who would care to answer the question that has failed Mr. Potter here?"

Snape's hand rose slowly into the air.

"Mr. Snape?" said Professor McGonagall.

"The incantation is _Fera Verto, _Professor," he said.

James had known that. It was the incantation used to turn an animal into a goblet, and he himself had mastered it two weeks ago.

He turned his attention back to Lily's red locks, not too bothered about Snape's answer and Professor McGonagall's brief frustration with him. He was good at Transfiguration. It was his best subject. He knew, without being arrogant – as Lily liked to call him – that he could pass the exam, if not achieve an Exceeds Expectations or even an Outstanding result.

He sighed, thinking of Lily Evans again.

His want for her to like him was almost verging on desperation. It wasn't only her beauty that had made him – dare he say it? – fall in love with her, but it was all of her. She was kinder than anyone he knew, witty, engaging, with the sweetest dimple in her right cheek when she smiled, which was often. However, these traits he only noticed when watching her, as he did now, when she was talking to others. With him, however, she had an utterly different temperament. She was fiery, a clichéd expectation of a redhead, yet in a way that made her stand out as unique, rather than common. She was quick to speak, inflamed by her hatred of him, and although this should have been a negative, it only drew him closer to her, made him fall deeper in love with her.

He had always watched her out of the corner of his eye. Wherever he was, if she was present, she would draw his every attention and he would be powerless to keep himself from watching her, from yearning for her and from loving her, Lily Evans, the girl of his dreams, with all his heart.


	5. Dream

**Dream**

**_Fifth year_**

At half past one, the only two people who were awake in Lily's dormitory were her and Marlene McKinnon, both of whom had their Defence Against the Dark Arts' essays due in the next morning and had spent hours trying to complete it.

"Finally!" exhaled Marlene in relief. "I thought we'd never finish."

_"Nox," _whispered Lily, and the light at the end of her wand disappeared. "I know. That has got to be the hardest essay we've ever been set for Defence Against the Dark Arts."

"Fifth year really is as hard as everyone says, isn't it?" sighed Marlene. "Piles and piles of work as well as piles and piles of _other _problems."

"Like what?" asked Lily, curling sideways underneath her duvet.

"Oh, you know," said Marlene. "Boys, mainly."

Lily laughed softly. _"Boys? _Well, that's just you then. I've got no problems when it comes to love, Marlene."

Marlene sat bolt upright in her bed, her eyes wide. "You mean, you haven't _heard?"_

"Heard what?" murmured Lily, her eyes closed.

"Oh, come on!" exclaimed Marlene. "James Potter _fancies _you!"

Lily turned in her bed, opening her eyes the slightest bit. "You're so funny, Marlene."

"Ha, ha," she said. "I don't appreciate the sarcasm, Lily, because it's _true! _He wants to ask you out!"

"We're enemies," said Lily. "And besides, even if this ridiculous rumour were true, he knows that I'd never say yes. He knows I hate him."

"But he likes you!" said Marlene. "And you really would never say yes? This is _James Potter, _Lily!"

"Exactly my point," said Lily firmly.

"You're not attracted to him? Not even slightly?"

"Never," said Lily.

"Hmm…" Marlene smiled wickedly. "I wonder. Would you rather go out with James or Snape?"

"Firstly, it's _Severus, _Marlene," said Lily, sitting up. "And secondly, _euggh!"_

"Euggh?" echoed Marlene, her eyebrows raised. "You really can't pick between them?"

"I'd never go out with either of them," said Lily. "End of story. Now, can I please go to sleep and forget this whole ridiculous conversation?"

Marlene chuckled. "'Night, Lily."

"Goodnight, Marlene," said Lily.

Lily's bright red hair spread out like a fiery fan across her pillow, as she lay down once more, exhausted.

Then she was outside, arm in arm with Severus on her left and James Potter on her right, with Marlene laughing and swaying while she walked in front of them.

"Choose me, Lily," said Severus urgently. "Not _Potter."_

"Evans," drawled James. "You don't want to go out with that slimy git. Merlin, imagine him kissing you. All that oil on his face smearing onto yours…"

Lily scowled, and tried to shake him off her arm. But however hard she tried, both of their arms were locked tight around hers.

"Oh, come on Lily!" laughed Marlene. "It's not a hard decision at all! Who wouldn't pick James? Imagine your life if you married Snape! You'd end up being the wife of a… a _Death Eater!"_

"He's not… he would never…" began Lily heatedly.

Beside her, Severus shook violently and began to morph from a fifteen year old boy to a taller, older version of himself. His black eyes were sunken, and seven terrible words appeared like blood on his left arm.

_I will be faithful to Lord Voldemort._

His right arm, stuck to hers, convulsed with a heat that felt like fire against Lily's bare skin. The bloody words began to swirl into a shape on his left arm, forming a skull and a snake, causing Lily to scream and rip herself away from him. With a sickening tearing noise, Lily's arm came free of his, and she tumbled away from him, still stuck to James Potter, whose free arm pulled out his wand.

He grinned down at her. "I knew you would choose me. I'm so much better than Snivellus."

And then, with a flick of his wrist, he sent a bright light speeding towards Severus, whose pale face was illuminated with shock and pain, before the light exploded into him, and he was nothing more. Lily glanced up at James, horrified.

His grin was frozen across his motionless face as he fell forwards, dragging Lily down with him. Lily tried to pull free of the dead, cold James, when she saw a shadow fall across his body. She looked up, terrified.

And there, alive as ever, but whose expression was that of a man being led to his own death, was Severus, his black eyes screaming with pain. He stood staring down at both Lily and James, next to a cloaked figure that drew out a wand with a pale, thin hand. Lily knew at once who it was.

And as the high-pitched voice began to scream the Unforgivable Curse that would end Lily's life, her eyes sprung open and her own scream tore out of her throat.


	6. Fearless

**Fearless**

Lily tightened her hold around James, as if she were strong enough to root him to the spot, so he wouldn't be able to leave. She buried her head in his chest, trying to hold back the threatening tears.

"No," she whispered. "You can't go. Or at least let _me _come with you."

But she knew that in her condition, James would never allow her to come. How could she chase after Death Eaters when it would mean that the child she was carrying would be under huge risk? Not to mention, her enormous belly would slow her down, greaten the chances of a mistake being made. At this suggestion, James' expression hardened.

"Not a chance," he growled. "If you think I'm going to let you and our child take the risk of–"

"I've fought just as many Death Eaters as you have, James!" she exclaimed. "Dumbledore's being ridiculous, making you–"

"I _volunteered!" _said James. "I can't just sit around while You-Know-Who and his Death Eaters are going around killing everyone!"

"And I can't sit around waiting for you to return, when you might not even…" Her voice broke.

James tilted her face towards him, searching her face. Then his hazel eyes found her emerald, and his expression softened.

"I'll be back in time for dinner," he promised. "What are we having?"

"Oh, maybe just some spaghetti," she said, her voice layered thick with irony. "Come on, James! Please. Just this once, could you stay with me? Every time you leave, it's like I–"

"In the past seven months, I've only gone three times," he said. _"Three times! _While the others are all risking their lives… Lily, you know I can't stand it!"

"Please, James," she said quietly, desperately. "Stay with me."

"I'm not changing my mind, Lily," he said. "And I've got to leave _now."_

"Five minutes," she pleaded.

For what? To try and persuade him, as she had been doing since the Order meeting one week ago, to stay with her? James was never going to change his mind, because he would never back out on a promise. He was like that. That was one of the reasons Lily had fallen in love with him.

"One minute," he finally said. "And counting."

Lily nodded fervently. If that was all she had, if this was her final minute with James, she would grasp at it with everything she had. She leaned into him, on her tiptoes, and pressed her lips against his. He responded eagerly, his hands curling into her red, red hair, and tugged her closer. His mouth left hers, trailing burning kisses on the slash of one of her cheekbones, then down the line of her jaw, and down, down, down until he reached the swell of her belly. He splayed his hands on the bump and kissed it softly. He looked up at Lily.

"Boy or girl, do you think?" he asked.

"A boy," she said at once. "Just like you, only not as annoying."

He smiled, albeit somewhat sadly. "Ha, ha."

"A brilliant Quidditch player, just like his dear old dad," said Lily.

"No," said James. "A girl like you. Beautiful. Outstandingly clever."

"Boy."

"Girl."

"Boy."

"Well, boy or girl, it'd better have your eyes," said James. "They're the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen."

"And your _lovely _charm," joked Lily.

"Which got me you," said James.

"Only took, what, six and a half years?" said Lily.

"Six and a _quarter," _corrected James.

She laughed softly. "With the rest of our lives before us, does it really matter?"

For all she knew, though, the rest of their lives could end in a day, a week, a month, a year. For James, this could be his last day. Her hands, too, found her stomach, and she cradled it protectively.

"Your eyes," said James again, "to make her beautiful."

_"He'll_ be beautiful anyway," said Lily.

"The most beautiful child ever," agreed James.

"Don't we sound like every other parent," said Lily.

"We are not every other parent, Lily Potter," he said firmly. "We are the best, most attractive–"

"Ha!" burst out Lily.

"Well we are," said James defensively. "You are, as we have already covered, the most beautiful woman on the planet, and I'm jaw-droppingly handsome…"

"Wouldn't go _that _far," said Lily.

A pause. "That's two minutes. I need to go."

Her hands gripped his. "No."

He pried off her fingers slowly, kissing the knuckle of each one. "Yes," he murmured against her skin. "I've got to."

"You don't…"

"Listen to me, Lily," he said, suddenly fierce, almost glaring at her. "I'm coming home, I swear it."

"But I'm _afraid–"_

"Well I'm not," he said. "Knowing that you and our son or daughter are here, waiting for me, I'm going to face those Death Eaters and I'm going to be _fearless, _Lily. Fearless."

He stood up abruptly and kissed her long and hard, then broke away, turning and striding swiftly out of the door.


	7. Dress Up

**Dress up**

**_Fifth year_**

Gryffindor was brilliant. Quidditch was brilliant. James Potter was brilliant. Even his stupid broomstick, apparently, was brilliant.

And so Gyrffindor house was throwing a dress-up party in honour of their Quidditch success, winning all three of their games. The dress code stated that everyone must dress up, either as a member of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, a teacher, or simply something related to either Gryffindor or Quidditch. Lily, feeling unenthusiastic about the worshipping of James Potter rising to a whole new level, wore only a floaty red shirt that her mother had given her two years previously and jeans. Everyone else, however, went all out.

She descended the stairs into the Gryffindor Common Room, where the party was already in full swing. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter stood on chairs, James and Sirius punching their fists in the air to the beat of the music, while Remus attempted to puff air into an old trumpet. The rest of the Quidditch team, too, stood up on chairs with the Gryffindor students laughing and yelling to each other over the noise of the music. Lily headed over to the food and drinks.

"EVANS!" shouted James Potter, catching sight of her.

Of _course _he would notice her. What sort of awful comment would he come up with now to embarrass her in front of her entire house? She poured herself a drink, pretending that she hadn't heard him. A giggling second year bumped into her, dressed as none other than _Potter, _and shrieked an apology.

"That's all right," said Lily. "No harm done."

"WHAT?" shouted the girl.

Lily shook her head, mouthing _nothing, _and the girl moved on.

"EVANS!" yelled James again.

She took a sip from her drink and immediately spluttered; was it _Firewhisky? _James' roar of laughter at this was clearly audible from across the room. She glared up at him and threw back her head, taking down the Firewhisky in one large gulp, just to spite him. When she looked up again, he looked somewhat impressed, somewhat taken aback.

"EVANS!" he shouted again, after a moment.

She had been down at the party for hardly a minute, and he had already found a way to exasperate her. "WHAT, POTTER?"

Looking pleased that she had responded to him, he beckoned to her. "COME AND DANCE UP HERE!"

"WITH YOU? NO THANKS!"

He grinned, expecting this, and jumped off the chair he had been standing on. Another boy hurriedly filled his space before someone else could. James disappeared into the crowd and all Lily was aware of was the beat of the music, thudding through the floor as well as her ears, before he suddenly stepped out from the throng of third-years in front of her. Instantly, she wheeled around to leave, heading through the portrait. James was right behind her, and, as the Fat Lady swung the picture shut, the music was suddenly muffled.

"I saw you down the Firewhisky," he said. "That was a surprise. Never imagined you could have fun, Evans."

She disregarded this.

"Do you like my costume?" he asked, gesturing at himself. "Got the tie off this first year kid."

He wore a black wig cut to hang at the shoulders, which had obviously had a barrel of grease combed through it, a Slytherin tie and too-big clothes. Lily's expression hardened as she realised who he was.

"I'm _Snivel–"_

"That's breaking the rules, Potter," she said coldly. "The dress code is Gryffindor, Quidditch or teachers."

"I _always _break the rules," he said with a mischievous grin. "So do you like it?"

"Give that tie back to whoever it was you stole it from, or I'll make you sorry," she said. "And no, I don't like it at all."

"Why? Cause it's Snivelly?" he laughed.

"No," she shot back. "Because it's _you."_

"C'mon, Evans," groaned James. He moved closer to her. "Look, we're alone. You can tell me that you actually _do _like me. That you fancy me. No one else is here to hear it. Go on."

Lily's cheeks burned crimson with anger. But James Potter… he deserved a taste of his own medicine.

She closed the space between them with two small steps, and tilted her head upwards to whisper in his ear: "Do you know what – _who –_ I dressed up for?"

James' eyes sprung wide open. "Er… no, I can't say I do."

She raised her hand softly to his face, saw his cheeks flush with excitement, and slapped him.

"You really are a piece of work, Potter," she chuckled, climbing back through the entrance into the Gryffindor Common Room, with an "_Acta non Verba" _at the Fat Lady. The portrait slowly began to close, leaving him framed in the moonlight, looking utterly confused. She chuckled. "Potter, I'd never dress up for you."


	8. Birthday

**Birthday**

**_Fifth year_**

James was already awake when Sirius hurled his pillow at him. He sat bolt upright.

"Oi, Sirius!" he exclaimed.

Sirius laughed, as did Remus, who was also awake. Peter was still snoring lightly, curled up on his bed, the edge of his covers tucked under his armpit.

"Guess what day it is today?" said Sirius. "It's the thirtieth of January… _Lily's_ birthday! She's, what, sixteen today?"

James nodded.

"And you _still _haven't managed to get her to agree to go out with you?" chuckled Remus. "After five years?"

"Shut up," moaned James, falling back down onto his bed and closing his eyes firmly.

"Well, it's not like you haven't tried," said Sirius, oh-so-helpfully. "I mean, you've asked her out _plenty _of times before. So we're going to have to come to the conclusion that she just doesn't like you."

"Hates you," corrected Remus.

"Des_piiiiii_ses you," teased Sirius, drawing out the word.

He felt his bed give as someone sat on the end of it. Sirius, most probably.

"So are you going to wish her happy birthday today?" asked Remus.

"Yeah, I think so," mumbled James.

"Are you going to be cocky and act like a complete pig?" asked Sirius lightly. "As you _always _do when you're around her."

"Do not," said James.

"Do too," laughed both Sirius and Remus.

It was true. Whenever he was talking to – or around – Lily Evans, he always seem to act even more boastful and arrogant than he usually did, as Sirius had said, 'a complete pig'. It was just simple showing off, he knew, but what exactly he was showing off he had no idea. His ability to hoist her friend, that ridiculous _Snivellus, _into the air? His ability to make up mean, yet sometimes witty, remarks on the spot? His ability to become a man who was exactly the opposite of everything Lily valued?

Why did he do it?

He asked himself this at the very moment Remus asked him the exact same question.

"I don't know," he said. "It just… comes on, you know. The act. It's automatic. I can't stop it."

"She hates it when you're mean to Snape, you know," said Remus.

"Yeah, but Snivelly's got it coming," said Sirius. "He's so fun to mess around with."

Fun. That was another thing. It was fun to be cruel to Snape. Although why, James could not tell. Perhaps it was because when he was bullying Snape, everyone chanted his name, _wanted _him to bully him. It gave him the same thrilling feeling as Quidditch gave him. It made him the centre of attention.

"C'mon, Prongs," said Sirus, pulling his arm. "You're pathetic. Let's go and get some breakfast, and you can go and make Lily's day by wishing her a happy birthday."

"Maybe you could sing her a song," joked Remus. "Or you could write her one."

Sirius grabbed his pillow from James' bed and threw it at Peter, who spluttered and whose eyes blinked slowly open.

"Wha'?" he mumbled.

"Wormtail, wake up!" called Sirius. "We're getting changed and going down to breakfast, with or without you."

Peter jumped out of bed in such a hurry that he stumbled, and the three other boys burst out laughing. Once changed, they trooped downstairs, James' heart pounding ever faster.

"Oh Lily, I love you," sang Sirius jokingly.

"And now you're sixteen," continued Remus.

"We can go and get married," sang Sirius.

"Because you're my _queen," _finished Remus.

They cracked up, and James elbowed Sirius, annoyed.

"It's not a laughing matter," he said.

This, however, only caused them to laugh even more. Peter joined in awkwardly a few moments later.

"Awful song," said James. "Really terrible."

"It wasn't _too _bad," chuckled Remus.

"Or… we can make up another one," offered Sirius.

"Sweet Merlin, no," begged James.

Sirius paused in thought. "What rhymes with Lily?"

"Silly," suggested Remus.

"Chilly," piped up Peter.

"No," said Sirius. "Lily Evans is neither silly _no__r _chilly, and – hey, James! Where're you going?"

He was striding up to Lily, and suddenly that god-awful swagger was back again. Lily, halfway through a card from her parents, looked up as the girls on either side of her hissed warningly, "Here comes James Potter."

"Hey Evans," grinned James. "Just wanted to say happy birthday."

"Oh, um, thanks," said Lily awkwardly.

There. That was it. Now he had to leave. _Leave!_

But of course, the façade that unfailingly sprung up when he was around her, kicked in.

"So," he teased, "what has our dear friend Snivelly given you? Let me guess. A pink box filled with kisses and all his love? Or a lock of his greasy black hair so that he'll always be with you?"

Lily's expression hardened and James felt like cursing himself.

"I should've known," she snarled. "You're just the same, Potter. Now, will you leave me alone and go and impose your ridiculously huge ego on someone else?"

"But I got you a present," said James.

"I don't want anything from you," said Lily curtly.

"But I baked you a cake," he lied.

"Well, you could do me a favour and throw it away for me," suggested Lily. "I'm sure it tastes just as sweet as your charm."

"So don't you want to try it?" asked James.

"Seeing as your charm is about as sweet as the backside of a fully grown troll, no thank you," she said. "Though I'm flattered by the thought." Her last sentence was layered with irony, and he knew that nothing he said now would remedy this conversation.

"Well, it's your loss," he laughed, although there was nothing funny about the situation. "See you around, Evans. Give all my love to Snivellus!"

As he walked – no, _strutted – _away, he heard the other three Marauders wishing Lily a happy birthday, and she laughing and thanking them, wishing them all the best themselves.

James' heart seized in his chest. She had hated Sirius, too, in the beginning. But now, after nearly five years, it was him she really hated.


	9. Everywhere

**Everywhere**

**_Seventh year_**

Lily glared at James as they entered Hogsmeade, just so he would know that this _was not a date. _Dumbledore had asked them to do Head duty, to patrol Hogsmeade, although for what reason she did not know.

"Three Broomsticks?" suggested James with a grin.

"We're here to _patrol," _said Lily. "Not to get a drink."

"Oh, come on," said James. "Dumbledore said that we had to enjoy ourselves. Remember? He said that it was just precaution, but nothing serious, so we should go and enjoy ourselves and if we see any students misbehaving or anything, to tell them off. He didn't ask us to go sniffing out miscreants in Hogsmeade."

Lily sighed after a hesitation. "Fine, fine."

James Potter wasn't as infuriating as he used to be. Perhaps it might even be enjoyable_, _having a drink with him, a friendly conversation. She stopped short. _Enjoyable? _What was she thinking? This was James Potter, she reminded herself. An absolute, first-class, big-headed prat.

Or had he changed?

Lily sneaked a glance at him. All of her senses were telling her that he had, but she could not bring herself to believe it. Six years of obnoxiousness could not disappear overnight. Or, more realistically, over their summer holiday. But was it only summer that had changed him? She thought back to their sixth year, and suddenly realised that in the last few months of their previous year, his idiotic comments were fewer and less harsh, his swagger was slightly less defined and that cocky grin was less cocky, more… What was the word? Playful, perhaps.

James pulled open the door, allowing her, with a sincere gesture of his hand, to go in first. Lily quickly walked over to the table that was the farthest away from the clusters of students. Rumours spread like wildfire at Hogwarts, and she would not take well to the whole school muttering excitedly about their Head Boy dating their Head Girl. James, grinning as always, pulled up a chair and sat opposite her.

Madam Rosmerta beamed as she caught sight of the two of them, and hurried over.

"What can I get you two?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with what looked like suppressed delight. Lily hoped with all her heart that she hadn't got the wrong expression, and didn't think that they were on a... a _date._

"I'll have a Butterbeer," said James. "And you?"

Lily nodded. "Me too."

She glanced around the inn, trying not to attract anyone's gaze. She didn't want to look at James, either, so watched Rosmerta as she headed to get their Butterbeers.

"Merlin, I'm thirsty," said James, leaning back in his chair.

Until then, Lily hadn't realised, either, how thirsty she was. And when Madam Rosmerta returned with their drinks, there was a brief silence as the two of them drank, James gulping his down, Lily taking a number of satisfying sips.

The door burst open the instant James threw down his empty mug. Both Lily and James looked up as Sirius, Remus and Peter came through the door. James broke into a grin. Lily glanced over at him, thinking: _please no, please no, please no…_

"SIRIUS! REMUS! PETER!" called James.

Lily's spirits sunk. Now she would have to endure Sirius' crude comments on James and Lily out, for the first time, together. Remus and Peter would be civilised, she thought. Especially Remus.

"Prongs?" laughed Sirius. His eyes widened as he saw the shock of red hair, and, as Lily turned her head to look at him again, Sirius couldn't help but let out a splutter of surprise. He instantly cloaked it with a lopsided grin. "Hey, Lily."

The three came and pulled up chairs, ordering four Butterbeers, since James had already finished his and wanted another.

"Well, well, well," said Sirius.

"James and Lily?" asked Remus with a raised eyebrow. Lily flushed, shaking her head quickly, but no one saw.

"Lily and James?" said Peter, testing the feel of it.

"I approve!" announced Sirius, grinning widely. "Now tell us. How did it happen?"

And just as Lily was about to intervene, her chest tight with exasperation –

"We're not going out," said James calmly.

Three heads whipped around to face him.

"We're here on Head duty," he continued. "You know, Head Boy and Girl patrolling Hogsmeade. It's nothing special."

"_Nothing special?" _echoed Sirius in a hollow voice. "This is _Evans, _Prongs! You've been chasing after her for years!"

James cleared his throat. Lily, studying his expression, realised that he was uncomfortable, just as she was.

Yet another piece of evidence for him growing up, said a little voice in the back of her mind. He really is changing, James is.

_Potter _is, she felt herself automatically correct.

James, James, James, retaliated the voice.

She exhaled in annoyance at herself.

"Is there something wrong, Lily?" asked Remus kindlly.

Her face flamed. "No, _no. _Nothing's wrong. Just ignore me. Ha, ha…"

She took a gulp of Butterbeer, strongly aware that James was looking at her with a strange expression. When she put her drink down, however, he was cracking a grin – as usual.

"Sorry, guys," said James, standing up. "But we should carry on with our duties. 'Scuse us."

They broke into – well, Sirius, mainly – a chorus of loud _ooooooooh_s, as James left his payment for their Butterbeers on the table. Lily quickly tried to pull out her own purse, but James ushered her out of the door.

"Sorry if they made you feel a bit uncomfortable," he muttered. "They can be a bit of a handful sometimes."

"_Sirius _can, you mean," she grumbled. An instant later, her gaze shot up, apologetic, backtracking. "I mean–"

He laughed. "No, I get it."

"You didn't have to pay for me, you know," she said.

"It's two Sickles!" he said. "It's nothing, don't worry about it."

Lily stared at him in profound confusion, unable to place him.

That's because he's changing, said the voice in the back of her mind. Perhaps it was her conscience, influenced by the Butterbeer, or by the heat she could feel radiating off James…

_Potter! _

Her conscience, or whatever the voice was, seemed smug. He's changed, it said. Face it, Lily. He's changed, or is chang_ing. _You're just too prejudiced–

She gritted her teeth. It seemed like this voice would follow her forever, go everywhere she went, not giving up until… Until what? Until she embraced the fact that James Potter really _had _changed?

Yes, smirked the voice, sounding maddeningly like the old James Potter. He's a different person, Lily. And until you realise that, _really _realise it, I'm sticking with you everywhere you go.

Everywhere?

The voice seemed to grin, just like James Potter.

_Everywhere, _it agreed.


	10. Haunted

**Haunted**

**_Fifth year_**

James was sitting in his dormitory, staring out of the window at the full moon. Remus would be changing now, for the second time without his friends by his side. It was not that they did not want to be there with him anymore; Remus had ordered them away, telling them that he needed to be alone again, for once their Hogwarts years were over, he had to prepare to be able to go through his torture by himself. His friends, Remus had said, couldn't be with him forever. James glanced down at the Whomping Willow as he heard a distant scream from Hogsmeade, from the Shrieking Shack. Remus had transformed.

Suddenly, James straightened, catching sight of a boy with black hair that hung longer than most, cut to hang at the shoulders, heading for the Whomping Willow. Sirius must have gone to follow Remus, when they had all promised not to. And without consulting James, too?

James slid quickly off the windowsill, running downstairs as fast as he could. He sprinted through the Common Room, through the portrait, and raced through the dark, empty Hogwarts corridors until, finally, he felt the cool night air erupt around him and the moonlight shine down on him. Not even a second later, James crashed into a still, laughing figure. He pushed himself up from where he had fallen, staring at the person now grinning back at him.

"_Sirius?"_

"James, you'll never guess what just happened!" said Sirius gleefully.

"But I saw you going to follow Remus!" said James. "I was up in Gryffindor tower, and I _saw _you!"

"Me?" said Sirius in surprise. "That was _Snape! _How in the hell did you mix me up with Snivelly?"

"Well, you both have, er, long, dark hair," mumbled James. "Sorry."

"S'all right," said Sirius. "Well, anyway, I was standing out here, since I was worried for Remus. Respecting his wishes and all that; stayed away from the Willow."

James hardly listened to him. "What was Snape doing, going to the Whomping Willow?"

"And _Snape _appeared," continued Sirius. "He demanded to know what was going on, said he saw Remus going through an entrance in the tree and I _told him how to get inside!"_

James looked up sharply. "What did you say?"

"I told him how to get inside!" said Sirius. "Genius, right?"

"Are you INSANE?" hissed James. "He's going to bloody get himself killed!"

"But you hate him!"

"Not enough to wish him to _DIE!" _snapped James. "Merlin, Sirius…"

Without thinking about what he was doing, James sprinted down to the Whomping Willow, pressed the knot that allowed him through, and ran through the familiar darkness. Was Snape dead already? Or worse, had he been infected? Either way, it was inevitable that Snape would either have his life or his humanity taken away from him. James hurried on, trying to be as quiet as possible.

And there, with a sigh of relief, he saw Snape stumbling through the blackness, _that _close to reaching the Shrieking Shack. The screams of pain tore through the air, and James could see that Snape was terrified, although stubbornly persistent, creeping carefully ahead.

"Sniv- Snape!" hissed James. _"Snape!"_

Snape started, wheeling around. His face was completely drained of what little colour was usually present there, his black eyes wide in fear. When he saw James, however, his eyes narrowed.

"Come to protect your little secret, Potter?" he spat.

"What secret?" snapped James. "That the spirits haunting the Shrieking Shack are not going to be pleased when they find you–"

"The Shrieking Shack's not haunted, Potter!" Snape's hands curled into defiant fists. "And it never has been! You see, I know your secret!"

"_WHAT _secret?" repeated James angrily.

"That Lupin's a _werewolf!_"

"Then you'll know if you go any further, you'll either _die _or become a werewolf yourself!" hissed James urgently. "Come here, Sniv– _Snape. _Oi! Get BACK HERE!"

Snape had made a break for it, running blindly forwards, but James was fitter, faster and stronger. He dashed forwards, grabbed Snape's arm and yanked him away from the direction of the Shrieking Shack.

"You listen here," he snarled. "I don't particularly like you – hell, I _hate _you. But I'm not having you go and kill yourself right in front of me."

"You and your friends survive, and you've been going in there with him for _years!" _countered Snape.

"We're Animagi, all right? Unregistered ones," snapped James. "He can't infect us while we're animals. We help him through his torture."

"_Animagi?" _Snape's eyes gleamed. "You're going to be in heaps of trouble when I –"

"Dumbledore knows," lied James.

Dumbledore knew, of course, that Remus was a werewolf, but about his three best friends being Animagi he was unaware. But James wasn't about to tell Snape that.

"He _what?" _demanded Snape.

James tightened his grip around Snape's arm and began pulling him back through the tunnel. Snape tried to resist, but James was too strong for him, and, eventually, both appeared through the entrance in the Whomping Willow, James furious at Snape and at Sirius, and Snape overjoyed at having found out the Marauders' darkest secret.

"I'm telling someone, mark my words," said Snape, as James dragged him up to the castle. "And Dumbledore will be sacked and you'll all be _expelled!"_

"Shut up, Snape," said James firmly.

"I'm going to tell _Lily," _he said.

James spun around, looking at him with utter hatred. "I just saved your life, Snape. You know that? If it weren't for me, you'd be ripped to shreds or a _werewolf _by now! The least you could do is be grateful!"

"Grateful?" snorted Snape. "After years of great things from you, Potter, I should be _grateful? _I'm going to tell Lily and there's nothing you can do about it. And when she realises that Lupin's actually a dangerous, unbalanced werewolf and that you three are all unregistered Animagi, she'll be–"

"She'll _never _like you," snapped James. "You, with your slimy black hair, wanting to become You-Know-Who's little assistant. You know, when you cursed her friend, that Henrietta girl, I heard she cried for an _hour."_

Snape recoiled. "I didn't mean–"

"She might not like me, either," said James, "but at least I don't love the wizard who's hunting down Muggle-borns like _her. _If You-Know-Who ever wants her dead, are you going to be the one to shout the curse that–"

"_ENOUGH!" _screamed Snape. _"SECTUM–"_

"_DENSAUGEO!" _shouted James, pulling out his wand in a motion so fast that caused his hex to collide with Snape's curse; both spells were reflected away, hitting the ground around them.

"Lily will _never _love you," snarled James.

"Just," said Snape spitefully, "as she will never love you."


	11. Werewolf

**Werewolf**

**_Fifth Year - (continued from previous chapter)_**

"At least Dumbledore was nice about it," said James reassuringly.

"What was going through my _head?" _moaned Sirius. "I'm an idiot!"

"No you're not!" said Peter. "Not at all!"

James glanced up at Remus, who didn't speak, simply looking at each of them in turn. He had been shocked, hating himself, when he had heard about Snape's near encounter with him the night before. Thinking about how close it had come to him killing a _student, _even if it was Snape, or affecting him with lycanthropy, in his mind even worse, had made him, for the first time since James had met him, lose his temper with Sirius.

The whole affair of Snape venturing out, trying to get to the Shrieking Shack, and James saving his life had also, although none of them knew _how,_ slipped out and it was the gossip of the school. And, because of this, James' popularity had rocketed, although to his pleasure or annoyance he did not know.

Sirius suddenly straightened, elbowing James out of his reverie.

"Evans at twelve o'clock!" he hissed.

James looked up. Lily was walking towards him, looking somewhat uncomfortable, fiddling with a strand of dark red hair.

"Potter," she said, and seemed to falter, perhaps wondering whether it would be best to sit down on the grass beside him or to stay standing. "I just… I came to say…"

He held his breath, expecting the worst.

"Thank you," she finished awkwardly.

His breath escaped in a gush of astonishment. _"What?"_

"Don't make me repeat myself," she said, a crease of irritation appearing on her forehead.

"Did you just… _thank _me?" he said, taken aback. "For what? I haven't done anything!"

She crossed her arms. "Did you, or did you not, save Severus' life last night?"

"Well, _yes, _but–"

"So I'm thanking you, because he's my friend and I'm just so glad he isn't… well… _dead," _she said in a quiet voice. Next to James, Remus flinched.

"Oh," said James. "Well… er... They were only spirits, although really violent ones and so I had to–"

"Drop the pretence, Potter," she sighed. "I _know."_

And Remus spoke for the first time, his voice a lash of horror. "You know what?"

She attempted a smile at Remus. "I know that you're a werewolf."

The four Marauders froze. Sirius was the first to react.

"Was it Snape?" he snapped. "Did _he _tell you? I'm going to go and rip–"

"No," she interrupted. "I've always known, or suspected. Sev did, too."

James gaped at her. "And you didn't tell anyone?_ Snape _didn't tell anyone?"

"I told him not to," she said. "And I didn't feel it was my secret to share. I assume Dumbledore knows?"

Remus nodded numbly.

"Well," she said, shrugging. "If Dumbledore knows, then there's nothing for anyone to worry about. It'd be Sev's own fault if he got himself killed, but he didn't and so everything's fine."

"You've…" began Remus, his voice sounding strangled. "You've… _Always?"_

"Well, since about halfway through second year," she said.

"Aren't you afraid of me?" asked Remus bitterly. "Don't you think I'm dangerous? Don't want to be associated with me?"

"_Moony!" _said James quickly, warningly.

"No!" said Lily, as if the very idea disgusted her. "No, of course not! Remus, you're my friend!"

How James wished the words were directed at him. Lily looked at him, awkward again, and gave a little nod.

"Well, I have to go," she said. "I… er, that's all I had to say, so…" She shrugged once mroe.

Then she turned to walk away, back up to the castle, leaving behind the four stunned Marauders in her wake.

Remus turned to James at once.

"Lily Evans is much too good for you," he said, breaking into a smile for the first time since he had heard about what had happened the night before. "Marry her."


	12. Owl

**Owl**

**_Fifth year_**

Lily carefully attached the letter to the foot of the owl, a cream-bellied grey. The owl hooted impatiently, ruffling its feathers in irritation.

"Calm down, calm down," muttered Lily.

The owl kicked its foot out of her grasp and took to the air, spiralling back to its perch where it had been comfortably asleep, before Lily had called it to attention. The letter floated downwards and Lily reached out hurriedly to catch it.

"And that," said a frustratingly familiar voice, "is why one should never use a school owl. Am I right, Padfoot?"

"Absolutely, Prongs," came the voice of Sirius Black.

Lily whirled around to face two of the four Marauders, or whatever they called themselves these days.

"In all my years of using school owls," she snapped, "they have _all _been very well behaved–"

"Apart from, well, that particular one," said James with a grin.

"We're not all stinking rich, Potter," she said. "If school owls are available, why not use them?"

"Because they're not as reliable as personal owls," smirked James. "If you _want, _though, since I'm so very nice_–_"

"I don't want to borrow yours, thanks," she said stiffly. "I can manage without you, despite what you think."

"On the contrary, Evans," he said, "my owl is perfectly happy to oblige and she's a great owl, too, a–"

"Lovely that you're finally telling me about your girlfriend, Potter, but I have better things to be doing than chatting to you," she snapped.

Sirius looked impressed by her comment, and chuckled. "Good one, Evans."

Lily felt a rush of pride, though she cast it away instantly.

"You're not _poor, _Longbottom," said James. "So why don't you just get your own, if you're so against using mine?"

"Because," was all she gave as an explanation.

"Because?" echoed James.

"_Because," _said Sirius knowledgably.

Lily peered up into the crowd of school owls, and called for one. As expected, one looked sleepily at her with its bright yellow eyes, before unfolding its tawny wings and swooping down towards her. Lily began tying the letter to its foot.

"Is that a love letter to Snivellus, Evans?" snickered James.

"You know," said Sirius, "I bet if we went through Snivelly's diary – come on, James, he's _bound _to have one tucked away somewhere – there'll be _Mrs. Lily Snape _written all over it and poems dedicated to her and–"

"I'm right here, Black," snapped Lily. "So I would appreciate it if you didn't talk about my friend."

"Black, now, is it?" sniffed Sirius. "Thought we were friends."

"She calls _me _Potter!" said James indignantly.

"Well," said Lily, "that's most probably because I don't consider you a friend."

Sirius winced. "You've just broken his heart, Evans."

James seized his chest in mock-death. "Aargh! Save me!"

"This, by far, is the stupidest thing you've ever done to try and _impress _me," said Lily scornfully. Then, turning to her owl, she gave her parents' address, and watched it rise into the air, beat its wings once, twice, then catch the breeze, gliding away – as she wished she could – from James bloody Potter.

"I give it two minutes before it turns in the wrong direction," commented James.

Lily wheeled around and began heading for the exit. "If you don't mind, Potter, I'm going to leave, before I have to stay around and listen to any more of your idiotic quips about me and my friends and well… everything else."

James reached out and grabbed her arm, grinning. "You know you love it really."

"You know what?" snapped Lily. "I really don't."

She shook her arm out of his grip, and James let his own arm fall by his side. His grin was still plastered across his face, although if Lily had looked at it – _really _looked at it – she would have seen how it seemed almost forced there.


	13. Quidditch

**Quidditch**

**_Fifth year_**

Lily settled down among the throng of excited Gryffindors, wrapping her red scarf around her neck, her only defence against the chill of the November breeze. As the two teams flew out into the middle of the pitch, a great roar of support rose from the stands. She saw both red and green circle one another once, the tension palpable between them, then the captains reluctantly shook hands and the game began. She followed the quick, violent play with her emerald eyes, but they wandered after a while, when Slytherin was leading by ten points. She scanned the Slytherin crowd, searching for her best friend.

Severus was standing with his Slytherin friends, friends who Lily's friends had told her time and time again were… evil. They said Severus was, too, but she wouldn't believe them. They cared for blood status, but Severus had never called her a… a Mudblood, not like the others. His mouth opened to shout praise at one of the Slytherins who had scored another goal against Gryffindor. A collected moan of disappointment rose from around her, from all the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws.

Everyone hated the Slytherins.

She looked again at Severus, her best friend, and a feeling of dubiety bubbled up inside her. She cast it away with fury, loathing herself for doubting him.

Lily glanced back up again as the commentator yelled, "And Pond scores another goal, bringing the score to 80-50 to Slytherin! _C'mon, Gryffindor!_ I'm not _biased, _Professor – no, not at all, I… well, I…" He sighed audibly, and said feebly, "Come on, Slytherin…" earning a jumble of laughs from Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw.

Lily looked back at the Slytherins; each and every one of them were gloating at their lead, especially Severus. Lily felt suddenly loyal to Gryffindor, and called out, "Come on, Gryffindor!" joining in with all of the other shouts of encouragement around her.

She watched as the Slytherin Chaser, Pond, hurled the Quaffle, but James Potter, darting out of nowhere, intercepted it deftly, and, swerving past the Slytherins, scored an incredible goal.

"WELL DONE, JAMES!" roared the Gryffindors.

"Yes! YES! James Potter scores a great goal, bringing it up to 80-60!" yelled the commentator. "Potter is bringing the game back to his standard, showing his excellence once more. There is no doubt that James Potter is Gryffindor's best player, their best bet to win, which they are sure to… _Oh, shut up,_ _Prof-_ I'm sorry, I'm _sorry, _Professor, didn't mean it – NO! Not ten points! Come on, Professor. You know _you _want Gryffindor to win, too! COME ON, GRYFFINDOR! YOU CAN EASILY BEAT THAT PACK OF SLIMY, CHEATING – YES! _YES!_ ANOTHER PHENOMENAL GOAL FROM POTTER!"

She felt a hint of pride and pleasure, smiling. Moments later, she shook her head firmly. She hated James Potter; he was awful, arrogant, bigheaded… But she still watched, captivated, as James won back five more consecutive goals for Gryffindor, earning them fifty more points.

He really _was _a brilliant Quidditch player, she realised. On a broomstick, he was invincible.

Blackmore, another Slytherin Chaser, made for him with Pond at his side, their faces twisted in fury, but they couldn't touch him. He moved with precise coordination, arcing almost gracefully out of their way.

"PO-TTER, PO-TTER, PO-TTER…" Gryffindor were chanting for him, and Lily felt herself joining in, yet quietly, embarrassed that she was cheering for the boy she openly despised.

James sped past them, flying over the crowd of Gryffindors, the Quaffle in his grip, and Lily caught a glimpse of his grin, in which she saw the curl of arrogance and pride, mixed with confidence and pure, undiluted thrill. When he scored his next goal, she felt irritated with herself. He was the same James Potter she had always known, and here she was, cheering for him. He would never change, forever buoyed up by his Quidditch success and adoring peers.

She glanced upwards, looking back at the game. From across the pitch, James' hazel eyes found hers, and she saw the arrogance in his grin fade. There was something there, a moment of mutual… was it curiosity? Lily felt her breath catch in her throat for that instant, not knowing what it was that had made her heart jerk out of her chest, and loathing James even more for making her feel such a strange feeling. The Quaffle soared through the air and the Quidditch game was suddenly back in motion once more, and all that was left of the electric feeling was an odd emptiness in the pit of Lily's stomach.


	14. New

**New**

James was bent over his plate, shovelling forkfuls of food into his mouth. Sirius watched him amusedly, leaning back in his chair opposite him and kicking his legs up onto the table.

"You don't have to inhale it, you know?" smirked Sirius. "The wedding's not for another five hours."

"Don't – want – to – be – hungry," said James in between mouthfuls.

"You'll have food _there," _pointed out Sirius. "No one's going to let you starve on your wedding day!"

James glanced up at Sirius, who was already wearing his dress robes (although the outer robe itself was hung carelessly over the chair beside him), the top few buttons of his shirt undone. He picked up an apple, tossed it into the air with a flick of his wrist, caught it again and bit into it.

"Thanks for coming around so early," said James. "What with Lily not here, I was going out of my mind. Didn't know what to do."

"Glad I could be of some help," said Sirius.

"If not for you, I probably _would've _starved," said James with a grin. "I can't cook to save my life."

"I made you _toast!" _snorted Sirius. "Nothing special, Prongs."

"And scrambled eggs," reminded James. "Very, very good scrambled eggs."

"Nothing you can't whip up with a wand,"said Sirius, shrugging nonchalantly. "You do _know _you're a wizard, don't you, James? You just need a couple of eggs, some milk, pepper and a _wand. _Or you can do it the Muggle way, if you really want."

"Ha, ha," said James drily. "So are you bringing a date to my wedding?"

"Nah," said Sirius.

James was astounded. "Really? No one wanted to go with you? But you're _Sirius Black, _the most excellent, handsome man there ever was."

"Oh, shut up," said Sirius with a grin. "I got a hell of a lot of hints, especially from Hestia–"

"_Jones?" _spluttered James

"What other Hestia do we know?" said Sirius jokingly. "She kept dropping hints at Order meetings and she's nice, but just..."

"Not your type?" chuckled James. _"Everyone's _your type, Sirius. What about Marlene?"

"_McKinnon?" _asked Sirius, imitating James with a mock widening of his eyes.

"Shut _up," _said James.

"Oh, she's just delightful," grinned Sirius. "Thing is, see, I don't particularly _want _a date."

"So you can focus all your attention on your best friend?" suggested James.

"You wish," said Sirius. "It's so I can focus all my attention, charm and roguish good looks – that's what the girls tell me; I'm _roguishly _handsome – on all the Firewhisky-influenced single women at your wedding."

Sirius, finishing his apple, threw it at the bin, where it hit the rim and fell to the floor. He groaned and took out his wand, making it fall, this time, neatly inside.

"_And _the almighty Sirius Black scores another goal for Gryffindor!" announced James. "Gryffindor win by a million points to none! Another shocking loss for Slytherin!"

"Grow up," laughed Sirius. "You're going to be a _husband _by the end of today. You looking forwa–"

He had been cut short by the sound of the lock turning in the door, the door banging open and being slammed shut, and of the sound of hurried footsteps. James looked up, confused, from his breakfast. The only person apart from he and Sirius who had a key was –

The kitchen door flew open and there stood Lily, her cheeks flushed, her green eyes sparkling with excitement, and her chest rising quickly up and down. She had clearly been running.

"_Lily?" _said James in surprise.

"Ah, the beautiful bride," said Sirius in greeting. "But isn't it bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding?"

"This is _important," _said Lily, smiling broadly. "And it doesn't count, since I'm not wearing my wedding dress."

"No," said Sirius slowly, eyeing her. "You're wearing pyjamas. You came all the way to Godric's Hollow from the Longbottoms' in _pyjamas?"_

"That doesn't matter," she said dismissively. "I needed to speak to James."

"For last-minute wedding things, this _is _extremely last-minute," said Sirius. "You know, as best man, I don't think I can allow-"

"_Shut up!" _burst out James and Lily and the same time.

"Fine, fine," said Sirius, grinning and holding up his hands in surrender. "Won't say another word."

James stood up and moved towards Lily, worried. She seemed like she could barely contain her happiness, her smile broader than he had ever seen it and her green eyes dancing.

"What is it, Lily?" he asked cautiously.

Her hand fluttered to rest on her belly and a small, elated bubble of laughter escaped her lips.

"I think," she whispered, "I've found my something new."


	15. Change

**Change**

**_Summer holidays before seventh year_**

Lily stared at the gleaming badge. The envelope and letter were held tightly in her left hand, but she did not have to read the letter to know the position she had been appointed to. _Head Girl. _She wondered who the other person was, the one who had received the Head Boy's badge. Perhaps it was another Gryffindor – Remus Lupin, maybe. Although part of James Potter's gang, he was kind and had made an excellent prefect. He would be a good choice.

"Tuney!" she laughed, turning to face her sister, who was sitting on her left, looking curiously at her letter. The instant Lily faced her, she jerked her gaze away.

"What is it?" she snapped. "Got another letter from your freaks' school? And I told you not to call me that; it's _Petunia."_

"Never mind that," said Lily. "Look – they made me Head Girl!"

"Head of the freaks," said Petunia coldly. "How appropriate."

"Haven't we grown out of this yet?" asked Lily quietly, sadly. "Why is this always between us? Tun- _Petunia, _I hate constantly having this between us."

"It's the truth," spat Petunia. "It's not some silly childish grudge–"

"But it is!" exclaimed Lily.

Petunia glared at her with old hurt and hatred and something that seemed like remorse in her eyes. She stood up stiffly.

"Why don't you tell mum and dad?" she said. "I'm sure _they'll _be pleased about their little golden freak girl. I'm sure they'll give you the response you were expecting from me."

So saying, she turned on her heel and strode out of the room. Lily stared after her sister, blinking back tears. She dropped her gaze back to her badge once Petunia was gone, and hoped with all her heart that the Head Boy would be someone like Remus Lupin, someone kind and intelligent, someone she could see herself growing fond of.

Actually, she thought, after a moment's contemplation, I don't mind who it is, as long as it's not that idiot James Potter.

No. Of course not. Dumbledore would never appoint James Potter. He was a troublemaker, nothing the school needed. She laughed at herself. Why had she even allowed a thought like that cross her mind? It was impossible. Not even something that magic could make come true.

* * *

James held his badge up to the light and an elated laugh escaped him. He, James Potter, _Head Boy? _What had Dumbledore been thinking? True, Dumbledore was a great wizard and the best Headmaster Hogwarts had ever seen, but James knew that he was not Head Boy material. _Everyone _knew.

Oh well, thought James with a grin. It's done. I'm Head Boy. They can't take the badge from me now, even though Dumbledore might've been drunk on excessive amounts of Firewhisky at the time that he had written this letter.

"Mum! Dad!" he called, running down the stairs and into the kitchen. "Guess what?"

His mother handed him a plate of sausages and a piece of toast. "Here. If you want anything else, James, we've got a lot more. Baked beans, fruit–"

"I'm Head Boy!" said James.

His father looked up, startled. "Did you say…"

"Head Boy," repeated James, laughing.

Although taken aback for a moment, his mother hurried forwards and hugged James tightly, the latter having quickly set down his plate on the table to avoid her rushing into it.

"Well done," congratulated his father. "And you weren't even a prefect!"

"It doesn't matter," said his mother proudly. "He's _Head Boy!"_

His father motioned for James to sit down, then spoke once more, musing. "Do you know who the Head Girl is?"

Until now, James had not given it a second's thought. One girl stood out in particular out of all of the others. Lily Evans. She was a perfect choice, being kind, talented and an extremely good witch, in the terms of both morally good as well as academically good. And he, James, would be the Head Boy at her side.

Finally, after six long years, perhaps she would see, in the time they would spend together as Head Boy and Girl, that he _had_ changed and _would _change for her. For he was no longer James Potter, Marauder, troublemaker.

He was James Potter, Head Boy, finally worthy of Lily Evans.


	16. Umbrella

**Umbrella**

**_Sixth year_**

Lily Evans glanced up as she felt a drop or rain fall upon her face, sliding down her cheek. A dark grey storm cloud loomed overhead. Had she been so engrossed in her Potions essay that she had not felt the heat of the sun fade, obscured by the slow rolling in of such a gargantuan cloud? It was barely thirty seconds later when the rest of the rain came down in a vicious, vengeful torrent. She stood up quickly, gathering her books and protecting herself from the weather with nothing but her own forearm held above her head. She glanced down to see the ink beginning to run on the essay she had been working for hours – days, even – on. Cursing under her breath, she turned on the spot, desperately trying to seek out somebody who might possibly – _There!_

Lily sprinted in the direction of the only figure who was outside apart from her, and tapped him on the shoulder, delighted. Perhaps he could save her essay, if not keep her from catching her death.

"Excuse-me, could you – _Potter?" _

She inhaled sharply. Out of everyone – _everyone – _in the whole school, it had to be him.

"Hey Evans," he said, looking her up and down in surprise. "Why are you so _wet?"_

"It's raining," she said, "in case you haven't noticed."

"Oh I have," he smirked. "But I actually did something about it." He gestured to his umbrella. "It was easy. I just transfigured a long stick lying on the ground into it! Brilliant Muggle invention, the umbrella. Even though, of course, we wizards have much better rain-repelling charms, I think umbrellas are sometimes just _so much easier._"

Lily remembered her essay, and so said through gritted teeth, "I left my wand up in my dormitory, but thought that since all I was going to be doing was writing an _essay, _I wouldn't need it go back up to get it."

"And?" said James.

"And what?" she retorted.

"What do you want _me _to do about it?" he asked.

"Well, can you _help _me?" she demanded.

James curled his hand around the back of his ear, his eyes dancing with glee. "Sorry?"

"Help me, prat," she snapped.

"Help you?" said James. "_Lily Evans _is asking me to help her? Merlin, if I'd known this would be such a historic day, I would have bought a camera. For what it's worth, this is going down in my - well, _I _don't have a diary but Peter does, so it's going down in his."

"Half of my essay's already disappeared into puddles of blue ink on my hands so can't you just be decent for once and help me?" she said. "All I need is that essay intact. If you could just keep it on you until you get to the castle, that's all I need. I'll just walk in the rain."

James' smile faded. He reached out and seized her arm, pulling her towards him. "Don't be stupid. I don't want you stuck in the hospital wing with the flu, do I?"

Lily yanked her arm out of his grip. "Fine, Potter. I'll walk under this umbrella with you, but you'd better not touch me again."

"Or what?" he smirked. "You _won't _walk under this umbrella with me?"

"I'll think of something," she said. "So keep your hands to yourself."

"And you keep _your _hands to _your_self," he said. "Deal?"

"Bet," corrected Lily.

"A bet? Winner gets a Galleon," said James.

"Ha!" said Lily. "Well, you're going to lose, Potter, since for me it won't be very difficult at all."

"Oh it will," said James, stopping. Lily, too, had to stop walking, for he was holding the umbrella.

"And why would that be?" she snapped.

"Because," said James, stepping close to her. "You want to kiss me."

Lily, infuriated, slapped him. But James, instead of looking angry, grinned.

"You just laid a hand on me, Evans," he chuckled. "And _now _you owe me a big, gold Galleon. Or a kiss. I'll settle for a kiss. _Or _you can give me your Potions essay, since I haven't done mine yet and you're _awfully _good at–"

He cut off. Lily had slapped him again.

"_And,"_ said James with a smirk. "That's two Galleons."


	17. Anger

**Anger**

**_Fourth year_**

"Lily!"

It took her several seconds to recognise Severus, because his nose occupied a startling large amount of his face, having swollen to five times the size.

"Merlin!" she blurted, shutting her copy of _The Five Greatest Threats to Wizardkind by Josselyn Patchgut_ in her alarm. "S-_Sev? _What _happened?"_

"Nffin," said Severus, his mouth muffled under his still-growing nose. Then, "Jame Pffr!"

"I knew it," she growled, her eyes narrowing. "I've had enough of him. Sev, get yourself to the hospital wing. I'll come and visit you later."

"Mff!" exclaimed Severus. "_Dun oo nffin!"_

"Don't worry," she said kindly, unable to make out quite what he had attempted to shout at her. "You'll be fine. Just go, and I'll come and see you later. Alright?"

Severus hesitated, then nodded reluctantly and left. Instantly, Lily set down her book and hurried to the Gryffindor Common Room, where James Potter would surely be. Her mind churned with rage and dislike of him; this latest occurrence had been what had tipped her off the edge.

"Polka-dots," she half-growled at the Fat Lady, who swung open with a grumble.

Sure enough, there stood James with his gang, laughing about none other than Severus.

"Did you see his _face?" _said James.

"No," said Remus, smiling slightly. "It was obscured by his nose."

"Oh, boy," laughed Sirius, holding his side. "That was _brilliant, _James."

"Really great!" said Peter.

Lily strode across the room to him, and he turned, still laughing. She drew out her wand in one fluid motion, her cheeks flushed with anger.

"You'd better have an explanation, Potter, or I'll curse you beyond recognition," snarled Lily.

"Whoa there," said James, holding up his hands in mock-surrender. "I'm _terrified."_

"You disgust me," she spat. "You and your little gang, who aspire to torture innocent, nice boys like Severus just for what? _Fun?"_

"Yes, it was quite fun," said James. "You didn't see it, Evans! _You'd _have laughed!"

"At _WHAT?" _she demanded, her voice nearly a shriek. "At your _bullying? _That's all you are, James Potter, an under-talented, self-righteous _BULLY!"_

He flinched for a moment, then looked as unfazed as ever. "I haven't heard that one before," he said drily.

"_MELOFO__–"_

"_Protego!" _he shouted, pulling out his wand faster than she could ever have imagined. "And that was a _jinx, _Evans, not a curse. Besides, why do you always stand up for _him, _Evans? He's just a pureblood-loving, Slytherin slimeball."

"Who happens to be my FRIEND!" shouted Lily, her green eyes blurry with tears. Where had these tears come from? "You just don't _understand, _do you? You don't know what people do for their friends! THEY STAND UP FOR THEM!"

"Listen, here–" began James sharply.

"You probably don't care for your friends as much as I do," she continued, "or you'd stop being so _cruel!"_

"I care for my friends!" declared James. "You have _no bloody idea _what I've done for my friends!"

"No I _don't! _Because it's probably a _LIE!"_

"You don't know what you're talking about, Evans," snapped James. "You're a hypocrite, calling me self-right–"

"You've been bullying him for _three and a half years _now!" cut in Lily, and the tears were now streaking down her face. "Can't you STOP? Aren't you TIRED of it yet? Because _I AM! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU, JAMES POTTER!"_

James flinched. "Well I didn't know you felt–"

"OH, YES YOU DID!" She gave a short, scathing laugh. "I've told you COUNTLESS times, and every time you just… just _laugh _at me and make some stupid comment, then go and torture Sev – Yes, you TORTURE him! That's what you do!"

"What about him and his Death-Eater friends?" demanded James. "What about that?"

"We're _fourth years!" _she exclaimed. "None of them are D-DEATH EATERS!"

"They might as well be!" countered James. "They all _want _to follow You-Know-Who so bloody badly, it's like they have a sign above their heads saying–"

"SEV'S NOT EVIL!" she shouted, feeling her fury suddenly rear up. "HE'S NOT A DEATH-EATER!"

And Lily, unable to argue anymore, collapsed in tears, the only way left for her anger to seep out of her.


	18. Star

**Star**

**_Fifth year_**

Throughout his entire Charms lesson, James sat glowering at that bloody Ravenclaw, Nathaniel Stebbins, whose arm was slouched casually across Lily's shoulders, her eyes trained on whatever Charm Professor Flitwick was demonstrating to them, his fixed on her. James was so engrossed in them that it took him a few moments to realise that Sirius' fingers were touching his. He jerked out of his seat, bolting upright, yanking his hand away from Sirius.

"Is everything all right, Mr. Potter?" enquired Professor Flitwick.

"Er… yes, Professor," said James, embarrassed. "Absolutely fine. Sorry to – to disturb."

He sat down again to the amusement of the whole class. Lily must've thought he was even more of an idiot now.

"What the _hell, _Sirius?" he hissed, quietly enough so that Professor Flitwick wouldn't hear, but urgently enough so that Sirius would respond. "Why was your hand _touching mine?"_

"I was passing you a _note!" _hissed back Sirius. "I wasn't trying to – _Merlin!" _He shuddered, then grinned, back to his usual, joking self. "_Besides, _you're not my type."

James took a deep breath, calming himself down, then unfolded the piece of parchment.

_They went out yesterday,_ read James, and his expression darkened. _Stebbins asked her out on Fri. SHE SAID YES! Took her to Hogsmeade, apparently._

James took out his quill and began scrawling his reply: _Bloody idiot's probably wondering how the hell he got her to go out with him. I want to kill him. I'm __going__ to kill him._

A fleeting grin crossed Sirius' face as he read James' response, then he wrote back: _James, James, James. You're so sensitive! So what if she goes out with him? __You've__ gone out with loads of girls!_

_Only five, _he corrected. _And that was__ for__ her! So she'd be jealous! It makes me sick, just seeing his arm around her. I WANT HIM TO TAKE HIS ARM OFF HER! Padfoot, you're going to have to restrain me once this lesson is over. I'm going to kill him._

_Don't be so dramatic! What are you going to do, beat him to death with the end of your broom? Besides, he's an all right bloke. Just be pleased it's him and not Snivelly!_

_Pleased? PLEASED? Padfoot, just look at the way he's __ogling__ at her. She's too good for him._

_She's too good for __you__. And I didn't know that you knew a word like __ogle!_

_Not helping._

_What do you want me to say? Tomorrow morning she's going to wake up realising that she's desperately in love with you, and she'll run into your arms and kiss you and everything will be just peachy?_

_YES._

_Read above, then. I'm not repeating myself._

_Piss off, Padfoot._

_Whoa there! With __that__ charm you'll be sure to attract her. She being the kindest, sweetest – the list goes on – girl in our year, I'm sure she'll fall for a lovely old delinquent like yourself._

James sighed. If only.

_Sorry, _he wrote. _Didn't mean to tell you to piss off. Stebbins is just really getting to my head._

_I HAVE AN IDEA!_

_Well, _scrawled James, _it's so helpful that you wrote it down and told me._

_Well, why don't you just… here it comes… BE NICE?_

James turned the piece of parchment over; they had run out of space on the front. _Ha, ha._

_Sorry, Prongs. Couldn't resist. What I __meant__ was, maybe you could write some beautiful, heartbreaking poem for her, for Valentine's Day?_

_You're joking._

_Guilty as charged. GOT ONE! Roses are red, Violets are blue. My life would be incomplete, Without the presence of you…_

_I'm going to be sick._

_Can't take credit for it, though, _joked Sirius. _Got it off a poem some girl sent to me yesterday._

_Look at __you__, you Hogwartian Casanova!_

_I see myself as more of a Mr. Darcy, actually._

_What – dark, brooding and in love with a woman who hates him?_

_I like the dark and brooding bit – but the third one's all you. Elizabeth Bennet, being, of course, Evans._

_Why on __earth__ are we talking about Muggles – two of whom are FICTIONAL?_

_Changing the subject, are we?_

_This conversation is over._

_I think I'm going to cry._

_After this, I'm not replying._

_Fine._

_Fine._

_You replied!_

_Shut up._

_And again!_

James tucked the note into his pocket in order to finalize his point. Beside him, Sirius was grinning widely. James settled down on his desk again, his eyes travelling back to Lily and Stebbins. Lily was still watching Professor Flitwick, although her green eyes darted downwards every now and again to scribble something down. Stebbins, too, was staring sleepily at Professor Flitwick, having taken his gaze off the redhead sitting on his left.

But James was bewitched. To him, Lily was the only girl he ever really saw, a dazzling, beautiful star that sparkled up, up, up – too far up in the sapphire sky for him to ever reach, even on his broomstick. She, the star, was the only girl he wanted more than anything to love him back, and the only girl that lay out of his struggling grasp. And he, James Potter, was and would always be, completely and utterly star-struck.


	19. Changing Room

**Changing Room**

**_Fifth year - continued from previous chapter_**

James opened the door to find his Quidditch kit hurled at him.

"You're late," said Sirius. "Everyone's already dressed; they made me stay behind to tell you that we'll all be in the briefing room, all right? Be quick, or the cap'n will have your head on a platter!"

"But we have _twenty minutes _before the match starts!" exclaimed James. "I'm not – not _late!"_

Sirius shrugged. "Don't hex the messenger."

"Fine, all right," said James. "Tell them I'll be quick."

Sirius left, shutting the door behind him, his broomstick resting on his left shoulder. James rolled his eyes once he was gone. Gryffindor – although Sirius was not included in this – took Quidditch much too seriously sometimes. They were against Ravenclaw today, which meant that they could relax. Ravenclaw easily had the worst team.

He dumped his things on one of the benches, and took off his tie, throwing it over a hook. Then, staring down at his buttons, he realised it would be much quicker if he undid the first few and then pulled it over his head. He was halfway through peeling off his shirt when the door burst open once more.

"I'm nearly done, I'm nearly done!" said James impatiently.

He threw his shirt down on the bench, and looked up to see Lily Evans staring back at him, her cheeks tinged a deep red.

"I'm sorry – I thought – another changing room – didn't mean to," she stammered, lost for words. "I… well, I… thought this was Ravenclaw's."

"_Ravenclaw's?" _repeated James in surprise. The shock of seeing her in his changing room with him half-naked suddenly struck him.

"I wanted to wish Nathaniel good luck," she mumbled. "So I'll just leave–"

"Nathaniel?" said James. "Wait. Do you mean… _Stebbins?"_

"Well, yes," confessed Lily. "I'm not taking sides or anything, it's just that I–"

"I didn't know you were _going out _with him!" said James. "I heard he just took you out on one date!"

"He's a nice person!" said Lily defensively. "Not that _you _would know nice if it hit you on the head."

"I'm nice," said James.

"Yes, very," said Lily sarcastically.

James shrugged, acting casual. "Don't know why you're going out with him anyway."

She glared at him. "And why is that?"

"He… smells like pumpkins," said James feebly. "And he – he bites his nails!"

"Does _not!"_

"Does too! I've seen him loads of times!"

"Liar!"

"Swot!"

"Beast!"

"Don't make me jinx you," warned James.

"Ha! I'd like to see you _try!"_

He drew out his wand at the same time as she drew out hers. There they remained for a long, tense moment, both their wands directed at one another. Then the silence broke.

"_Steleus!" _shouted Lily.

James used the Shield Charm; it erupted from the end of his wand and her sneezing hex ricocheted away, crashing into one of the benches.

"A _sneezing _hex?" sniggered James. "Really, Evans? You could've been a bit more creative."

"I, unlike you, do not like hurting people," snapped Lily. "Although for you, I might make an exception."

"You just don't want to hurt me because you–"

"If you say it's because I fancy you, I will blast you into that wall over there," threatened Lily.

"Fancy me," finished James. "Now are you _really _going to blast me into that wall? And right before our Ravenclaw game?"

Lily scowled. "Fine, fine. I'll let you go so you can play. But mark my words, Potter, the next time I see you…"

"I'll go flying through a wall," laughed James. "All right, I get it."

She glowered at him. "You're a prat, Potter."

"Oh, don't be like that," grinned James.

"I hate you," she said.

"Now, _hate's _a strong word," he said.

"I hope Nate hits the Bludger so hard at you that you fall fifty feet," said Lily. "I hope you make a fool of yourself."

"It's _Nate _now, is it?" said James.

She let out a groan of exasperation and turned to leave.

"Someday _I'll _marry you, Lily Evans!" James called as she walked towards the Ravenclaw changing room. "You're wasting your time on that idiot Stebbins!"


	20. Over Reacting

**Over reacting**

**_Seventh year_**

Lily and James stared at each other, her face contracted in shock, his bearing a grin of elation.

"No," she declared. "I'm so sorry to be rude, Professor, but… are you certain you haven't made a mistake?"

Professor Dumbledore chuckled to himself. "Miss. Evans – or am I permitted to call you Lily?" Lily gave one, curt nod. "Well then, Lily, I assure you, no mistake has been made."

James thrust out his hand and Lily, glancing at Professor Dumbledore, shook it reluctantly. A jolt of something shot down Lily's arm, and for a second she looked at him accusingly, thinking that he had shocked her with some sort of joke item. But there was nothing between them, just his hand, warm and surprisingly big, touching hers.

"But isn't it a tradition for _prefects _to be made Head Boy and Girl?" asked Lily, withdrawing her hand.

"Tradition, perhaps," said Dumbledore lightly, "but not a rule. Mr. Potter here, I am certain, will make an excellent Head Boy."

"Professor," attempted Lily once more. "It is common knowledge that Pot- James and I don't get along very well, and I think that it might hinder us in–"

"Well," said Dumbledore, "perhaps that will change."

"I very much doubt it," shot back Lily. Her cheeks burned crimson as she realised she had spoken out of line – and to _Dumbledore! _"I'm sorry, Professor, I didn't mean to…"

"No, no," said Dumbledore, beaming. "I would not have appointed the two of you if I had thought you would be a bad match. And, although you have had differences in the past, I believe the two of you simply do not know each other as well as you think."

"But why _him?" _she asked desperately.

"He is, I believe, an excellent Quidditch player," said Dumbledore.

"And that is taken into account?" demanded Lily. "What about personality? Responsibility? He's _awful, _Professor!"

"That's a bit harsh," grumbled James. "I'm not that bad."

"If you would not like to be Head Girl, Lily, I could appoint someone else," said Dumbledore. "I am quite happy to do so. However, in my opinion,_ you_ are the best candidate for the job, and you shall be the first student to have turned down the post."

"No," said Lily. "I want to be Head Girl. I just…"

"Well then," said Dumbledore. "The matter is resolved."

Smiling, and beginning to hum a tune to himself, he left their compartment. James turned to Lily.

"A new beginning?" he offered.

"I don't know why he appointed you, Potter, but it wasn't a good idea," snapped Lily. "All this has done is swell up your already gargantuan head, and make you feel so superior to everyone and I–"

"You're overreacting," interrupted James. "I swear, I'm honestly not that bad once you get to know me."

"I don't care to get to know you," said Lily.

"We're going to have to, you know," pointed out James. "We're Head Boy and Girl."

"But you're the worst person for the job!" exclaimed Lily.

"You don't know that," said James defensively. "I might make a great Head Boy."

"I sincerely doubt it!" fired Lily.

"I really thought that you of all people would be willing to give someone a second chance," said James bitterly. "And all you do is judge me."

"I've given you thousands of chances," said Lily, "yet every time you prove me wrong."

"No you haven't!" burst out James. "From the very moment I insulted Snape, you've hated me!"

This was, strictly speaking, very true, yet Lily refused to accept it.

"You've been insulting him for years, Potter," said Lily. "You've done terrible things, _cruel _things."

"I regret everything," he said. "I'm sorry I was such an awful, arrogant – toerag, I think, is how you once put it."

"Don't mock me," she growled.

"I'm not," said James sincerely.

There was a beat of tense silence. Lily was fighting a battle with herself, one side of her telling her that it seemed James really _did _want to change, and the other desperately wanting him to return to his old self, the one who would argue back at her, suspicious of this new, apologizing James. The old James she could deal with. He was _that idiot Potter, _someone she had hated for six long years, the target of every ounce of her anger and frustration. He was the boy who ran riot around the school, doing silly little pranks with his silly little friends, tossing around crude remarks about her and humiliating anyone that wasn't perfect in his eyes. Of course she wasn't overreacting. James Potter was never and would never be Head Boy material. Some things - and some people - would just never change.


	21. Muggle

**Muggle**

**_Fifth year_**

The sound of rushed, excited footsteps made James, Sirius, Remus and Peter drop the Dungbombs they had been holding.

"I've got you now," called Filch, his footsteps speeding up. "Students out of bed! My, my, how you will be punished…"

"Run?" squeaked Peter.

The four Marauders split up, each one sprinting in a different direction, the evidence of their pranks left where they had been standing. Filch spluttered loudly, and James guessed correctly that the smell of the Dungbombs had, by this time, reached him. Then the footsteps were back. Filch was following him; the others were safe. James ran onwards, and finally the sound of the footsteps had faded. But he wasn't safe yet. As he looked around, he was dismayed to find himself at a dead end. A tapestry depicting someone who seemed to be trying to teach trolls ballet was hung opposite the huge wall which was just that – a wall. The footsteps echoed in the distance. Filch was coming. James paced quickly before the wall, racking his brains. Where could he hide? He needed a place to think for a while, to plan what to do next.

A place to think, a place to think, a place to think, thought James. There_ had_ to be one somewhere.

All of a sudden, a door materialised out of nowhere in the place where the wall had been. James didn't give it a second's thought, simply hurrying inside. He breathed his relief, scanning the room for another exit. There was none. His throat constricted in panic again, as he tried to think about what to do. Filch would surely find the door, open it as James had done and find him inside…

"_POTTER?"_

He started. Filch had been quick. He hadn't even heard the door open. James turned in the direction of the voice. His eyes sprung wide open, for there, on a pile of beanbags, sat Lily Evans, her eyes swollen and tears streaking down her cheeks. She held a crumpled letter tightly in her right hand.

"What in Merlin's name are you doing here?" she demanded.

"_Shh!" _said James. "Filch is coming. You need to be quiet, otherwise he'll–"

"He won't find us," snapped Lily. "No one's found this place in years apart from me – and now _you."_

"What? _Why?" _asked James, relaxing slightly.

"Because," said Lily sharply.

A few beats of silence passed.

"_Because?_" pressed James.

Lily exhaled in frustration. "This is… this is the Room of Requirement, Potter. It only opens to you when you really need it. I needed a place to think and to cry, and so it–"

"What's wrong?" asked James, staring at her tears.

"Nothing that concerns you," she said. "Now if you don't mind, I came in here for some privacy, and I'd love it if you–"

"I can't leave!" burst out James. "Filch is outside, trying to find me!"

"Can't you _ever _leave me alone?" Her body trembled as she gave into more tears.

He had never seen her cry before, and it made him feel helpless, uncomfortable to catch her off-guard, in a moment that was evidently supposed to belong only to her.

"What's wrong?" he asked again. "Lily, I…"

"You want me to tell you, so that you can make some stupid joke about it?" snapped Lily. "No thanks."

"I won't!" he promised.

"Yes you will," she said bitterly. "You always do. That's what you're like, Potter. Everything's just a big joke to you."

"I've grown up," he said.

"So there aren't anymore late night pranks or hexing of innocent students?" she said scornfully. "Why don't you tell me how, in fact, you came to be out of bed so late?"

"Well, I don't hex innocent students anymore, if that's any consolation," he said defensively. "And despite what you think, Evans, I don't make fun of _everything. _Serious things, for one."

"Are you grown up enough to realise when you're not wanted?" she said.

"I care about you, Evans!"

She let out a sardonic laugh. "You careabout me? You don't even _know _me!"

"I know you don't think so, but I really do!" he countered. "And besides, whatever it is, it can't be _that _bad. I heard that that girl in Ravenclaw with the huge nose lost her owl last week, and some first years just found it in their Herbology class yesterday, all tangled up in the–"

"My parents are _dead!" _she snapped, and her words, although spoken quietly, cut like a knife through his own. "Killed by Death-Eaters! Oh, but of course. It doesn't count as murder. They're only Muggles." Her voice broke on the word 'Muggles'.

Fresh tears racked her, and she buried her face in her knees, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably. James could only stare in shock, pure disgust and loathing rising in him for the Death Eaters.

"What about your sister?" he ventured, after a while. "Is she all right?"

Lily nodded reluctantly. "She was with her boyfriend, Vernon something. She's staying with him now. She sent me this letter. She still… hates me, but thought I ought to know that our parents… my parents…"

James moved awkwardly towards her. When she made no move to flinch away from him or even, as she had done several times before, slap him, he snuck a cautious arm across her shoulders. Lily, to his utmost surprise, leaned into him, trembling with the weight of her grief.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"For my parents or for your always being a pig?" asked Lily, attempting a joke.

"Both," said James truthfully. "I just can't help myself sometimes, especially with Sniv– Sorry, I didn't mean to mention… it just slipped out."

She had stiffened. Then she gave one derisive laugh. "That's what he's going to be doing when he leaves this school, isn't he? Killing Muggles and Mudbloods."

"Don't call yourself a–"

"Why not?" snapped Lily, glaring up at him. "I'm the daughter of Muggles. A Mudblood. That's what I am."

Their faces were so close to one another that James could feel her breath, made uneven by her crying, faintly against his neck. He could see, too, the individual tears rolling out of her emerald eyes, which were puffy and swollen.

"Don't tell anyone about this," she suddenly ordered. "No one, not even Sirius Black."

"Do you mean about your – your parents, or about the room?" asked James carefully.

"Both," she said. "I don't want anyone's pity. Other people have had family members killed; I'm not the only one. And about the room, too. I don't want to sound selfish – don't think that – but this room has been kept a secret for years and years. The only people who find it are the ones who stumble across it. Can you imagine what it would be like, what it would be used for, if everyone knew?"

"My friends won't–"

"Promise me," she said firmly.

And, unable to look away from those entrancing eyes, he nodded. "I promise. It's our secret."


	22. Princess

**Princess**

Lily paled as she stared at the ridiculously steep stretch of snow before them, over which a loud family of Muggles disappeared before her, laughing gleefully.

"No," she said to James, trying to back away from the edge with her skis still attached to her feet. "I'm not doing this."

Irritated with her skis, she tried to shake one off her foot, and tripped over in the process, landing in the snow. James glided gracefully over to her, laughing.

"Never took you for a klutz," he said, crouching down.

"I'm not," said Lily. "But if I manage to fall over on flat ground, what happens when I try skiing over that _drop?"_

"A four year old just did it!" said James. "Come on. Let's get you up."

He pulled her upright and turned to face the drop.

"You've got to enjoy this," he said. "Sirius planned out the perfect honeymoon. It's a week of bliss, then we're back to the old death and gloom everywhere…."

"This isn't _bliss!" _exclaimed Lily. "Can't we just Disapparate away from here?"

"No can do," said James. "There are Muggles around. Oh – look! There goes a three year old. _And… _she doesn't fall over."

"I'm a _beginner!"_

"You're a witch!"

A middle-aged couple glanced over at them, looking disapprovingly at James.

"Called her a witch," muttered the woman. "And just for not being very good at skiing, poor thing."

"I'd never call _you _a witch," assured her husband, as they slid over the drop.

James winked at Lily. "They think I'm a bad, bad husband."

"You are if you force your wife into going over sheer drops," she said.

"It's not _sheer!" _he laughed.

Then, grinning maniacally, he inched towards the drop.

"James, if you _dare–"_

He glided forwards and was gone, whooping at the top of his voice. Lily peered over the edge anxiously, and saw that he was waiting for her at the bottom, waving to her.

"COME ON, LILY!" he shouted. "OR YOU'LL BE UP THERE ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT!"

Lily squeezed her eyes shut, resisting the temptation to Disapparate. Slowly, she slid forwards, biting her lip in fear. And then she was shooting forwards, building up speed, unable to stop… Her eyes opened underneath her goggles and she felt her balance waver. She stumbled forwards, coughing out snow from her mouth, and tried to untangle her skis. Barely a moment later she gave up, her strength drained, and lay back against the snow, looking up at the sky. She felt suddenly peaceful.

"Lily?"

James had skied up to her, his voice tense with anxiety.

"I'm all right," said Lily with a laugh. "No more skiing, though. Please?"

"'Course," said James, and pulled her to her feet. "But are you sure you're all right?"

She smiled. "I'm _fine, _James." Then, adjusting her woolly hat, she groaned.

"What's wrong?" said James.

"Nothing," said Lily quickly – _too _quickly. "Everything's fine."

James, grabbing the blue bobble of her hat, yanked it off. Lily tried to reach for it, but James skied on, laughing. She made after him, shouting for him to stop. Finally he complied, and she skied straight into him.

"Give me back my hat, James," she said as politely as she could.

"What's wrong?" he laughed. "I don't see anything wrong!"

Although her goggles obscured her eyes –his favourite part of her –, his smile broadened as he took in the rest of her face. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose were rosy from the cold and her mouth was set in a mock-annoyed little frown. He still couldn't believe she had married him.

"_James, _my hat," she pleaded.

He leaned down and kissed her cold, red nose. "You look beautiful."

"Aargh!" said Lily. "Don't say that!"

He raised his eyebrows. "Why not? Do you prefer stunning? Enchanting? You're the _Beautiful _Princess of the Snow."

"Princess of the–"

"And I'm your Prince Charming," continued James. "Bold, daring, chivalrous, dashing…"

"Did I make a mistake, marrying you?" she joked.

"_No, _you're not backing out now," said James. "I have the most beautiful woman in the entire world as my wife and–"

"_I have hat hair," _she growled. "Which is why I need my hat."

"You have beautiful hair," chuckled James. "It's all red and pretty and stuck flat to the top of your head…"

Lily grabbed her hat and pulled it firmly over her hair.

"Take me home?" she asked.

"Nope," said James, grinning. "We have six more days of fun!"


	23. Saturday

**Saturday**

**_Fifth year_**

After half an hour of watching Lily and Snape practising Colour Change Charms on various objects, Snape finally stood up and left.

"Here's your chance!" whispered Sirius. "C'mon!"

"Really, Padfoot? Do we have to do this now?" said James anxiously.

Sirius gawped at him. "You've had me hiding behind this bloody tree with you for half an hour. I now have pins and needles in my legs. You. Cannot. Back. Out. Now."

"But I…" began James.

"Are you _nervous?" _

"I _am," _muttered James.

"You're in Gryffindor for a reason," said Sirius firmly. "Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!"

He shoved James forwards, causing him to stumble out from behind the tree where they had been hiding. Lily looked up sharply.

"Potter?" she said suspiciously. "How did you just appear out of nowhere? You can't Apparate in Hogwarts and, besides, we've just started our fifth year. We don't learn Apparition until next year."

"No I didn't – I – er – _Herbology," _he stammered, searching desperately for an excuse. He didn't have to see Sirius to know that he was shaking his head in amusement.

"Herbology?" repeated Lily. Her eyes narrowed. "You don't even _do _Herbology, Potter."

"I might be taking it up," lied James casually. They were straying so far off topic that he wouldn't be surprised if Sirius stepped out from behind the tree and asked Lily himself.

"You, take up _Herbology?" _demanded Lily. "I distinctly remember you once saying Herbology was a waste of time. What's really going on?"

James felt himself tense. This – _this – _was the moment. He took a deep breath, wishing that it was confidence, not air, that he inhaled.

"I…" began James. "I was _wondering…"_

"Yes?" said Lily.

"I was just wondering if…" He swallowed, trying to fight the stupid, arrogant version of himself from taking over.

"Will you hurry up?" said Lily. "I really don't have all day."

"It's Saturday tomorrow," said James lamely.

"I'm not stupid," she snapped. "I'm aware, Potter, that Saturday comes the day after Friday."

James wanted nothing more than to have his broomstick there and speed away in the cool September air.

"And so I was wondering… I was - so I was wondering..." He sounded like a complete swot. "I was, er…"

"Let me guess," cut in Lily. "You were _wondering. _Can't you just _spit it out?"_

"WouldyoucometoHogsmeadewithme?" blurted James.

"I'm sorry, _what?" _said Lily.

"Hogsmeade? With me? On Saturday?" ventured James.

She let out one, dry laugh. "You're an idiot, Potter, for even _thinking _that I'd go out with you. If that's all, you can leave now. I have other things to do."

Rejection swept over him, and James felt his cheeks grow hot. He stared at Lily, the beautiful, talented, vivacious Lily, who had refused him.

And the cocky James took over.

* * *

Lily stood up and began to gather up her things, scooping them into her bag. She was still trying to wrap her head around it. _James Potter _had asked her out! James-look-at-me-I'm-amazing-_Potter. _He had some nerve, after knowing so well her attitude towards him.

"Why's that?" he said roughly.

"Why is… _what, _Potter?" she asked.

"Why don't you want to go out with me?" he demanded. "I'm nice, popular, talented–"

"Big-headed, obnoxious, unkind…" finished Lily. "I have no intention to go out with a pompous swot, thank you very much. Especially not one who torments my friend."

James scoffed. "I know what this is about."

She turned slowly. _"What?"_

"You're playing hard-to-get," said James triumphantly. "I'm right, aren't I? Ha!"

Lily couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Hard… to… _get?"_

"That's right!" he said brightly. "You're only rejecting me because you want me to like you even more."

"No," said Lily firmly. "I rejected you because _I don't like you."_

James shook his head, grinning, as Lily walked furiously past him, back towards the castle.

"See you tomorrow!" he called after her.

Lily made herself a stubborn promise. This Saturday, the Saturday after that and every single Saturday that followed would find James Potter alone, or with a girl that was most definitely not her. If he asked her out again, with that infuriating grin, she would coldly turn him down.

It was time James Potter knew that he couldn't get everything he wanted.


	24. Picture

**Picture**

**_Seventh year_**

Just smile, thought Lily. Just bear it and smile your prettiest smile.

Lily knew she wasn't pretty, with her too-big nose and her too-red hair. She was rather fond of her eyes, but didn't find them _beautiful, _which was a word many used associated with them.

"Just smile," said the photographer, echoing her thoughts. "Ah, _bea_utiful!"

Lily stood up, thanking the photographer for his time, when Dumbledore interrupted.

"May we have one of the Head Boy and Girl together?" he asked cheerily.

"But of course!" said the photographer, drawing up an identical chair to the one Lily had been sitting on and placing it _much too close _to the other. Lily sat back down grudgingly, James Potter beside her. She turned her body away from him.

"Lily," said Dumbledore with a chuckle. "It might be better for the pictures if it seemed our Head Boy and Girl did _like_ each other."

"Yes," said the photographer firmly. "Turn forwards, and lean in slightly towards each other! Just like that. Good! Stay there. Now smile!"

Lily could not comply. James was much too close, the right side of his body touching hers. This was a boy she hated, who had bullied Severus into finding refuge with those – those Death Eaters. Was it any wonder she could not bring herself to smile?

"A smile would be nice," commented Dumbledore, matter-of-factly.

"I _can't," _said Lily stiffly.

"You _must!" _said the photographer desperately. He looked for help from Dumbledore.

"Perhaps a joke?" suggested Dumbledore. He paused, searching for a good joke. "Well, why is it hard for a ghost to lie?"

"I don't know," sighed Lily.

"Because you can see right through him!" finished Dumbledore. "Ah, that's a personal favourite of mine, perhaps since it was told to me _by _a ghost."

Lily remained staring unhappily at the camera.

"Knock, knock," said James.

Lily silently groaned, and turned her head to face him. "Who's there?"

"You know," he said, grinning.

"You know who?" she said, then, although she was determined not to, her mouth twitched into a smile.

The camera flashed, capturing the moment.

* * *

James felt a swell of pride at managing to make Lily smile. After the camera had taken the picture, however, she had composed her expression, probably not wanting to give him any satisfaction. She tucked an escaped red curl behind her ear and stared back at the lens of the camera, trying to force herself, it seemed, to smile. This, however, resulted only in a painful sort of grimace.

Even so, she was stunning. She had grown even more beautiful than she had been in their fifth year, when her beauty had truly captivated him. Looking at her now, he wondered if they had ever been so close to one another before without her shouting at him for doing something to Severus Snape.

"Mr. Potter, could you stand behind Lily – yes, like that – and put your hands on her shoulders?" instructed the photographer. "Much less formal. _Relax!"_

James stood up slowly and stepped behind Lily's chair, pushing away his own so that it would not be seen in the photograph. His hands hovered for a moment, hesitant, before moving cautiously down. He had never touched the skin at the base of her neck and at the slash of her collarbone. It was soft, smooth and warm, and, beneath his fingertips, he could feel the throbbing of her heartbeat. As he tried to relax, he caught the fragrance of her flowery perfume. It was almost enough to cause his own suddenly rocketing heartbeat to stagger to a stop altogether. As it was, he felt an extremely powerful urge to kiss her. His mind was whirling, and every thought was muffled, blurred and faint in contrast to the feeling of Lily's skin, the smell of her, everything that was Lily, Lily, Lily.

The camera flashed, momentarily blinding him.

The instant the picture had been taken, Lily stood up hurriedly, leaving James standing there, staring after her, his hands feeling colder than ever before.


	25. Just

**Just**

**_Seventh year_**

As Lily and James descended the stairs from Dumbledore's office, having just had their once-a-week meeting, she stared at the boy who had used to be the epitome of everything she hated, and wondered if it was true that James Potter could really be changing for the better.

"Evans, why are you gawking at me?" said James.

"Gaw – I'm _not _gawking!" she burst out, her cheeks flaming.

"Yes you were," smiled James. "And not very subtly, I might add."

"I was just–"

"Just?"

"Just…" She trailed off, searching for an excuse. "You're confusing me," she finally confessed.

His eyebrows arched; he had evidently not been expecting such an answer.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"You're being _nice _to people," she said. "And you – you're not acting arrogant or cocky or Merlin forbid, _swaggering _in front of me anymore. I just wondered, why?"

"I told you at the beginning of this term, didn't I?" said James. "I can change. I don't like the old me."

"Then why did you act like that?" she asked.

He hesitated. "Well, I just…"

"Just?" she echoed, a hint of a smile on her lips.

"Just," he finished, grinning himself. "You know, Lily, I don't think you've ever smiled at me before."

The smile immediately disappeared. "I don't think _you've _ever called me Lily."

He rolled his eyes. "Haven't we grown out of this yet?"

"Grown out of what?" she answered, feigning ignorance.

"This constant arguing," he said.

"_I _have," she said defensively.

"Well so have I," he retorted.

They walked onwards in silence for a few minutes. She snuck a fleeting glance at him as they walked, and wondered if he _had _been a good choice for Head Boy. It seemed she had been drastically mistaken about him being – what was it she had said? – _awful_.

"You're a good Head Boy." The words slipped out before she could help herself, and Lily felt her cheeks flush once more.

He laughed once. "Thanks. You're not too bad yourself." A hesitation. "Listen…"

"Hmm?"

James stopped walking, and Lily followed suit, curious. He looked straight at her.

"I really _am _sorry for everything, you know," he said. "It's not just something I said to make you warm up to me. I know I was a pig sometimes, and out of line with Sniv- _Snape. _And even though I hate his guts – sorry – I'll be civil to him. I promise you. Unless, of course, _he _hexes me first, in which case I–"

She nodded. "You don't have to promise anything, James. I believe you."

He broke into a smile. "First time you called me James, not Potter."

"Enjoy it, because it's not going to happen for a while now, _Potter_," she joked.

"Did you just… make a joke?" he asked, bemused.

"Despite what you think, I can be quite funny when I want to be," she said.

"Funny?" he repeated. "Well I wouldn't call that joke _funny. _It was... _Hey! _Don't hit me with your –"

She had smacked him over the head with her Potions essay. She was surprised that she only just reached his head; she had never quite realised how tall James was.

"You're going to wish you hadn't done that," laughed James.

"Done what?" asked Lily innocently.

"Head Girls shouldn't be going around hitting people with their scrolls," said James. "It doesn't reflect well on the school, see."

"Oh, well, I was just…" began Lily, a glint of mischief in her eyes.

James was taken aback by this. Mischief from Lily Evans? It was almost as though their roles had been reversed.

"Just?" said James, as was expected.

"Oh," said Lily, shrugging nonchalantly. "Just."


	26. Christmas

**Christmas**

**_Seventh year_**

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, JAMES!"

James woke up groggily to find Peter bouncing excitedly on the foot of his bed.

"Geroff, Wormtail…" he mumbled. Then his eyes sprung open.

_Christmas!_

He rubbed his eyes quickly, slipping on a pair of discarded shoes by his bed. This Christmas holiday, many seventh years had decided to remain at Hogwarts – by many, he meant about ten people, rather than the usual two or three – as it was high time they began revising for their N.E.W.T.'s. Naturally, none of them had even _touched_ a book in order to revise yet, nor would they.

This was James' sixth Christmas at Hogwarts, since, although his parents pleaded with him every year to come home for the holidays, at first he never wished for Sirius to be subjected to a holiday of hell at home with his monster of a mother, when there could have been an alternative. Then, when Sirius had run away from home in the summer holidays of their fifth year, they turned their attention to him, too, begging them both to return. And so, James and Sirius had spent only one Christmas away from Hogwarts, at the Potter's, last year. Although it had been great fun, it had not been nearly as exciting as every Christmas before, when he and Sirius – and occasionally Remus and Peter as well – remained behind, exploring the school – and Hogsmeade, once they had reached their third year – every single day. Because of this, they had learned various secrets about, as well as the exact layout of, the school, which had led, inevitably, to the creation of their Marauders' Map two years ago.

James headed downstairs to the Great Hall after opening the stack of presents heaped at the end of his bed, to find some of the students already downstairs, the majority of them still in their pyjamas, chatting animatedly to one another mainly about what they had received.

"Prongs!" Sirius and Remus looked up from where they were sitting, trying to teach a tiny model of Santa Claus to dance. James grinned and headed over to them, Peter scurrying behind him.

"Thanks for the presents," said James. "Any luck with him?"

Remus nodded enthusiastically, nudging the Santa Claus. "We've got him to tap dance – look!"

And sure enough, the little Santa Claus began to click his heels quickly down on the tabletop, spinning in circles and making extravagant movements with his chubby arms. James laughed; Peter followed his lead, sniggering quietly away.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, James caught sight of Lily, who had just entered the Great Hall, looking around for a familiar face.

"Won't be a minute," said James, his eyes fixed on her, and left the Marauders oohing behind him.

She smiled as he approached, and he saw with a pleasant surprise that she was actually wearing the necklace he had given her.

"Hello, Head Girl," he said. "See you've got my present."

"Thank you," she replied, her hand instantly moving to touch the small golden stag that hung there. She did not know of its significance, but it still made his heart swell to see it around her neck. "It's beautiful."

"Oh, it's nothing," he laughed. "You haven't stayed behind for a Hogwarts Christmas before, have you?"

"No," she said. "I always go home. But I thought, you know, it was my last year and–"

"Not because of N.E.W.T.'s?" he asked, surprised.

"That's the excuse I gave my parents," she said. "Actually, I was just curious to see what goes on."

"Nothing really _goes on," _said James. "It's quite laid back, really."

"I see," she said, her eyes widening as she took in every decoration. Then, suddenly, "I'm sorry that I haven't got you anything, but I didn't think _you _were–"

"Going to give you anything?" said James. "Well of _course _I was. You're my fellow Head!"

She looked somewhat upset by this. "I feel so _guilty…"_

"No," he said hurriedly. "Don't be. It's fine. I…"

He broke off as he felt something tickling the top of his head. Both he and Lily glanced upwards in unison, to see the angel that was perched above the entrance of the Great Hall every year holding an enormous sprig of mistletoe over them.

"Go on," encouraged the angel. "Kiss her! _Kiss her!_"

"I…" James had no words to express the feeling of nervousness that had suddenly crept over him. He suddenly felt the weight of the gazes of every student in the Great Hall upon them, and Lily… she didn't like him, not in _that _way. She had expressed herself on that subject profusely enough countless times.

"Oh, come on," grumbled the angel. "This mistletoe is heavier than you think. Just hurry up and bloody kiss her!"

"How romantic," muttered James under his breath.

He turned to look at Lily, whose face was now reminiscent of one of the Gryffindor colours, and in whose eyes he saw reflected his nervousness, his awkwardness.

Merlin, he was nothing like he used to be.

If he had still been the James Potter of the past, he would have swooped in with a cocky grin and kissed her hard on the mouth. But the thought of doing such a thing now… well, it terrified him. He swallowed.

"Will you _hurry _up?" the angel half-shrieked.

Not allowing himself any more time to think about it, he moved quickly, touching her soft lips for the briefest moment with his own. When he drew back, she was staring up at him with an unreadable expression, and her cheeks – if it were possible – were even darker than before.


	27. Denying

**Denying**

**_Seventh year - continued from previous chapter_**

It seemed to James that Sirius could not wipe that ridiculous beam off his face. Remus and Peter, as usual, kept it to the minimum, but every comment that Sirius made had to involve Lily Evans and that stupid, stupid kiss.

"Shut up, Sirius," grumbled James for the thousandth time.

"But _Prongs!" _exclaimed Sirius. "You should be ecstatic. Do you know what _happened?"_

"The rest of the school does," commented Peter.

"Everyone who saw was just like – _wow!" _gushed Sirius, his eyes gleaming. "Everyone saw it coming, you know. Evans has been going soft on you recently; Merlin, I think she might even consider you a – a _friend!"_

"Oh, that's really helpful, Padfoot," said James.

"So?" said Sirius, relentless. "How _was _the famous kiss?"

The feeling of his lips on Lily's and the sight of her green eyes wide with surprise when it was over briefly flashed across his mind, and James flushed. Sirius, of course, instantly picked up on this.

"_Oh," _he smirked. "Blushing, James? Was it that good?"

"Shut up," repeated James. He dropped his head down into his hands, squeezing his eyes shut with frustration. "Shut up, shut up, _shut up!"_

When Sirius next spoke, James could hear the smile in his voice.

"James old boy," he said. "You'd better get your head up out of your hands and sit up straight since _someone _just came into the Common Room."

James' head shot upwards and his spine snapped into place. Lily had just climbed inside with Alice Longbottom and Marlene McKinnon, evidently just having returned from Hogsmeade, and all three of them were staring straight back at him. Marlene's lip twitched, as Sirius' did, and Alice subtly nudged Lily forwards with her arm.

"Tell her that you _love _her," hissed Sirius quickly.

Peter nodded enthusiastically. "And that you – you respect her!"

James glanced helplessly over at Remus, who smiled.

"Just talk to her," he advised. "But don't go overboard or, Merlin forbid, _cocky."_

James nodded, trying to catch what Lily was saying in a hushed undertone to Marlene and Alice.

"But I can't just – come _on, _be realistic – It's _James _that we're dealing with_ – _Merlin, it's just so –"

Marlene rolled her eyes. "We all know you've been warming up to him over the past few months, Lil. And as for that _kiss… _do you fancy him? I want the truth."

"Merlin, no!" exclaimed Lily, her cheeks reddening. "I mean it's – I just think – I've hated him for _years _and he's probably grown out of that ridiculous crush on me anyway."

"Just _talk _to him, Lily," said Alice.

There was a beat of silence, and then James saw Lily nod awkwardly and turn in his direction. Sirius stood up, shooting James a thumbs-up from behind his back, and sat down in another chair, leaving the space next to James open. Lily sat down moments later, forcing a smile.

"Hi," she said slowly.

"Do you want to… er… talk?" said James, embarrassed "In _private?"_

Lily hesitated, then, glancing quickly back at both Marlene and Alice, nodded. James turned to Sirius, Peter and Remus.

"Will you be so kind as to clear off?" he said.

The three Marauders, each of whom were smiling, Remus knowledgably, Peter eagerly and Sirius devilishly, headed away to talk to Marlene and Alice, no doubt about the two they had left behind sitting before the fireplace.

James cleared his throat. "So about yesterday morning…"

"It's forgotten," said Lily quickly. "I mean, I know you had that – that silly _crush _on me before, but that's gone now, hasn't it?"

James nodded vigorously. "Of course! Sorry about that… it _was _silly, wasn't it?"

Lily laughed once, although her expression remained awkward. "Very silly."

"I mean, 'cause _I _didn't feel anything in that kiss," lied James. "Nothing at all. And I'm sure _you–"_

"Oh!" exclaimed Lily, her cheeks darkening even further. "No, no, no! I didn't feel anything either."

"Whew!" said James, although it seemed his heart had just fallen into his stomach, unable to beat anymore, with the heaviness of Lily's words. "That's a… a relief."

"I'm glad we… we both feel the same way," said Lily. "So it's forgotten?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," joked James, although there was nothing, nothing at all, that was funny about the situation. He swallowed. "I'll see you later then."

"Um, yes, of course," said Lily, standing up quickly and hurrying back to her friends, as if she couldn't bear being around him anymore.

James' head fell into his hands once more. He felt empty, or at least his heart was; it was empty of all emotion. They had just been beginning to build a friendship out of their enmity, and now, with that kiss, it seemed they were back to square one. It hit him now, after years of loving her, that his feelings would never be returned. He would forever love but not be loved, a lone man with a broken heart, yearning for something that had never and would never exist.

There was no use denying it anymore.

The truth was that Lily would eventually marry a lovely wizard and have lovely children and live in a lovely house, while he stood on the sidelines, his love for her burning ever stronger.

She would never fall for him.

* * *

Lily ran upstairs to her dormitory, her throat dry and her mind in turmoil. Why was she feeling like this, as if her heart had swelled to ten times its size and was pressing so hard against her lungs, she couldn't breathe. Why did she want to break down in tears?

She knew. Of course she knew.

_No, _she thought fiercely. Never. It's just – it's just an attraction, nothing more.

But of course it wasn't. There was no use denying it anymore.

In the space of a little over four months, she had fallen in love with that idiot James Potter.


	28. Broken

**Broken**

He had come.

But that couldn't be possible. How could he be here, when it was impossible? Their plan was foolproof, there was no way he could be here unless… unless Peter had… No. _No. _That was out of the question.

"James! _James!" _

James turned his head, his expression blank, to stare at Lily. Her eyes were wide with emotion, her mouth parted in horror.

"It can't be," he breathed.

"James," said Lily forcefully. "He betrayed us. Listen to me. _Peter_ _betrayed us!"_

"No," he snapped. "No he–"

"HE'S HERE!" she shouted. "YOU-KNOW-WHO IS _HERE!"_

Peter, Wormtail, one of his best friends… James gritted his teeth, and his hand clenched into a fist. Lily was right. They had been betrayed.

"Lily," said James, and his voice came out stronger than he could ever have believed possible. "Lily, _go."_

Her eyes, the most beautiful eyes James had ever seen, locked with his. There were no tears there, only disbelief.

"No," she said. "If you think I'm leaving you… I can fight, too, James."

"Bullshit, Lil," he said sharply. "You're going, _right now."_

The figure was nearing, ever closer. James had to act quickly, to get Lily and Harry away from him. He would face him, and do everything in his power to save the two things most precious to him.

"Lily…" he growled.

"I WON'T!" she cried out.

"Think of Harry, Lily," he snapped. "I love you and I'm not letting you die. You're not dying today, Lily, and neither is our son. _Do you hear me?_"

"James," said Lily warningly.

"_Harry, _Lily," he snapped.

"I lo–"

And the figure was here. James needed her gone, needed her to realise that this was Voldemort – _Voldemort – _they were dealing with.

"LILY, TAKE HARRY AND GO!" roared James, unable to hear the sound of her voice again. He was scared, scared that anything she said now would prevent him from doing what he had to do. She needed to leave; it was the only way for her to survive. "It's _HIM! Go! RUN! _I'LL HOLD HIM OFF!"

That was when, in a sudden rush of horror, he realised that he didn't have his wand with him. He was going to die. James shot a fleeting glance back at Lily, hurrying back into the house, her red hair disappearing behind the slammed door, and as Voldemort spoke the two words that would end his life, James Potter thought for the last time of her beautiful, emerald eyes.

* * *

_James… James… James…_

Lily's mind was in agonizing turmoil, going over and over and over the sight of the green light that had glinted in the window as she raced upstairs, the image of James collapsing, dead at the feet of Voldemort. Why hadn't he _done _anything? He could have bought himself more time, but he stood there, waiting for death, not doing anything. How could he do that to _her?_ Barely able to keep herself from collapsing under the weight of her grief, Lily grappled at the door handle of Harry's room. Moments later, she stumbled inside and scooped up her son, in whose face she saw reflected her own eyes, those eyes James had always loved.

The door burst open.

Lily spun around, holding Harry tight to her chest. Her heart beat faster than ever before, and she felt a burning hatred for the figure standing before her, the wizard who had killed the man she loved. And he would kill her just as easily, and then her son…

_No._

He would not get to Harry. He had taken James away from her, and now she would do everything in her power to save her son. She would duel him, kill him… Lily's breath caught in her throat. She had left her wand downstairs, where James had left his. The truth sank in then, deep and terrible. James hadn't done anything to save himself, not because he could not bring himself to, but because he _couldn't. _He was unarmed and yet he had faced death, in the hope that she and Harry would escape. And now it seemed his sacrifice had been in vain.

Lily gripped her son tighter as Voldemort let out a cackle of high-pitched laughter.

"Lily Evans," spoke the voice that had killed James.

"Please," she whispered. "Please leave."

"You may live," he said, "But I will kill your son."

"_No!" _she cried. "Please… just leave us. You've killed James already, please don't – please leave Harry, he's only a baby. He has no use to you!"

"Stand aside," he commanded softly, raising his wand.

"_Not Harry!" _she screamed, feeling her son's heart beating fast against her skin. _"Not Harry! Please, not Harry!"_

Voldemort stepped forwards. "Stand aside, you silly girl."

Kill _me_, she wanted to beg. Kill me rather than my son. She would sacrifice herself for Harry if that was what it took. Harry would live. Harry would survive, whatever the cost. _Please, Merlin, let him survive._

Voldemort advanced further. "Stand aside now."

"Not Harry!" she whimpered. "Please no, take _me_, kill me instead… NOT HARRY! _Please… _have mercy… have _mercy…_"

The shrill voice laughed, and Lily saw the terrible words form on his lips as she curled her back with her final act of love, shielding her son from the blaze of green light that consumed her.

Lily screamed as the spell tore into her, then she fell backwards, lying broken on the floor.


End file.
